Maegen Blue

ALT Image contrasting Travis Kelce and Kelp by comparing key characteristics. The chart reveals no shared characteristics between the two subjects. The characteristics at hand are "Provides shelter and camouflage for juvenile salmon, herring, and rockfish," "Absorbs carbon," "Serves as breadbasket of the Salish Sea," "Acts as a vital indicator of overall health of waterways," "Provides refuge from ocean acidification for juvenile shellfish," and "Has won two Super Bowls." Notable differences include Kelce's "Has won two Super Bowls." We cannot find evidence that kelp has won any Super Bowls.

ALT A text message exchange with my boss who should really know better by now. Boss: What do you have for Labor Day this year? Me: We choose chaos. Don't roast hot dogs. Roast your friends. Burn bridges, not forests. Boss: Can it ever just be something normal? Me: Why park on dry grass when you can snark on cry sass Boss: I was thinking something like spark friendships, not fires so that people are encouraged to get together just not in a way that involves fire because a misconception is some rain means fire season is over, when actually Labor Day can be a bad fire weekend because everyone is outside Me: Perfect

ALT A long, wordy graphic that reads: something like spark friendships, not fires so that people are encouraged to get together just not in a way that involves fire because a misconception is some rain means fire season is over, when actually Labor Day can be a bad fire weekend because everyone is outside