Sponge Bob

I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.

There's always that one person in gym class who thinks they're in the Olympics.

May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Twitter

Laughing at your own joke so hard that you can barely tell it.

My biggest fear is to look out my window at night and see someone staring back in at me.

That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking a pen but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Saying "never mind" because you're to lazy to repeat yourself.

Less friends, less bullshit.

*Missed a call* *Calls back* *No answer* "What, did you die within 3 seconds?"

I'm so happy people can't hear what I'm thinking

Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about global warming, Karma is a bitch, Sincerely, The Titanic!

Spongebob: Aw, cheer up, Squid! It could be worse! Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.

Spongebob: 'What do you usually do when I'm gone? Patrick: waiting for you to come back.'

'Gary, I'm absorbing his blows like I'm made of some sort of spongy material'

Spongebob: guess what day today is? Patrick: annoy squidward day? Spongebob: no silly! thats on the 15!

Don't you think Facebook should change the status question from"What's on your mind?" to"What's your problem today?"

Without school, its hard to remember what day it is.

Spongebob: "What do you usually do when I'm gone?" Patrick: "Wait for you to come back."

Dear phone, I drop you. I say I hate you. I throw you. I lose you. I forget about you but I can't live without you. Sincerely, Me