Stellar AF

Cashier: would you like your milk in a bag? me: i don’t even care if i die

*throws a blanket over a toddler because i don’t know what it is*

hey @DanLaMorte gimme your followers

my tweets just scream unfollow me, my personality also screams this

i’m gonna order pizza from 2 different places to see if the delivery guys will show up at the same time and fight

being the black sheep is a lifestyle

rock, scissors, fuck my life

what’s it like for people who don’t have daily meltdowns

stellar in his natural habitat

*first date* Her: GIMME BACK MY FUCKIN PHONE Me, from inside the bar’s bathroom: WHO THE FUCK IS RODNEY

so a stellar guy walks into a hotel bathroom

barely making it through the day is a lifestyle

so there i was, sitting crisscross applesauce when all hell broke loose

my ex asked me to drop the metaphors and speak like a normal person, but that’s like asking a samurai not to use his sword

before meds: i hate everything after meds: *with enthusiasm* i hate everything

if you don’t have a crush on me i’m sorry you have no taste

me: do you wanna know what happened to the last guy who threatened me? Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up like get off the ride

does ruining everything count as cardio?

i don’t know if this is an anxiety attack or just being alive