Many young men are feeling lost and searching for models of manhood. On a positive vision for masculinity: Physicality and physical strength CAN be a crucial part of manhood. But it’s far from the whole thing. The strongest men I know may deadlift 500 pounds, throw a discus hundreds of feet, or run ultramarathons. Yet their true strength lies in their being caring, considerate, and calm. The men I know who want to be strong and tough—but who are not—are loud, defensive, and overly proud. Once you have genuine strength you don't feel the need to parade it. Going through challenging experiences, working for it, earning it—this stuff humbles you. It makes you compassionate. It makes you see beyond your self. It makes you real. Now more than ever we need a better conception of manhood and masculinity. Here are some of the core qualities I aspire to instill in my son: Strength: Clear-headedness, composure, and stability in the midst of uncertainty. (Not to be confused with chest-thumping, peacocking, or machismo acts of power.) Wisdom: Allowing yourself to be open to and shaped by experience. Not being scared of change, and not being scared to change. Emotional flexibility: Feeling your feelings and being able to name them, talk about them, and let them move through you (instead of repressing them or fusing with them). Humility: Knowing what you don't know, which for almost all of us, is the vast majority of everything. Being curious instead of certain, open instead of closed. But also, when you know something is right, standing up for it. Confidence: Not feeling the need to intimidate, one-up, or make others feel bad in order to be okay with yourself. Knowing that when you aren't feeling okay that's fine too—and sometimes the best thing to do is ask for help. The qualities of positive masculinity overlap and support each other. They are as much about your doing as they are about your being. Let's work to practice and role-model them.