Complete and Total Idiot

Cold pasta for dinner kinda night

Taking baby girl on a trip (I am baby girl)

I got to hold my cats today for the first time in a week and let me tell you I only cried the entire time

My apartment caught fire, my basketball team lost today and I’m eating for the first time all day, but I’m still in a good mood. Something is wrong with me

Won mini golf league this week :)

Phone call from very real person on an unknown number at 3:30am “Hello, may I speak to Victor?” - bro what

Help she’s back as my “Most Compatible”

New Hinge like! Wants kids Cute Good job Likes cats Seems fun Lives 300 miles away

Saw a doctor just now who immediately asked if I was open to having my gall bladder removed @harvardmed y’all taking applications from someone who got a C- in BIO 101? I’m about to be the next Dr. House

The overwhelming urge to message all my Hinge likes (3) how tf they’re “Not Political” in the year 2026

Thinking about Olive Garden

I may need to rip out my gall bladder

I put on my best fit. I spray on a tasteful amount of cologne. I bring her her favorite flowers I pick her up in the Minion Mobile Oh yeah. Perfect first date 😎

I think I just got asked on a date😳

One like and I’ll go to Olive Garden for the 4th time in 3 days

In the last 5 minutes I have been told I look 24-26, that I look like Ryan Gosling and got two hole-in-ones in a row. Stock’s never been higher chat

Saw a bunch of friends from high school today. I missed them. They’re all so great and successful and I’m so happy for them! They’re also all married, met their partners on dating apps and I’m just like … … … oh so it really is just me

Trivia Host: It’s time for the music round! All these songs are funny and the young people in the crowd should get them *Immediately plays 5 songs all from before 1980*

When you see the person you thought was hella cute on Hinge, but you have too many mutuals to swipe on makes eye contact on the party barge but you still don’t shoot your shot >>>>>>>>>>>