SuperRealKitten

I feel this so fucking bad lately. Among a million other things plaguing my mind. I feel like a lot of the time people expect so so so much of me. I try my absolute hardest and I try to warn everyone I’m difficult. I run. I hide. I don’t understand a large range of emotions or how to read them from others. I don’t feel love the same way like normal people do that doesn’t mean I don’t love. I don’t crush. I just don’t feel it the same way, I don’t understand when my mind is blanketed by hundreds of emotions because I am emotionally disconnected from myself and I’m almost always confused. I get hyper focused and lose sight of the endgame. I struggle to speak. I’m anti social and hopelessly a loner and a workaholic and I don’t know how to do anything else. I get sad. I dive headfirst away from contact and into work. Into projects. Thats the answer to 90% of things I’m doing, whether that’s friendship, projects I’m working on etc. I’m fucking difficult to deal with. I know this. I’m so tired of being told how much I am failing people. How even though I’m struggling. Even though I’m slipping down and down that I still have to do more. I don’t have the capacity everyone expects from me.. I never did and I made that known from day one.. so why does it feel like at every point I’m disappointing people I care about. At every opportunity I feel more and more people walking away, disconnecting, because I’m no longer the Kit they expected me to be and I am not enough. “Not enough time. Not enough effort. Too hard to deal with. Not worth the bother” -Story of my life. These last few months I’ve pushed myself so fucking hard to move. I have failed. I have upset my friends. I’ve become hard to approach and distant and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t better. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep up. I’m fucking sorry. I can’t keep living and feeling like I’m never enough.. like my absolute best right now is worthless. Like I have no place because I keep failing to meet these standards that keep getting placed on me even in my worst condition. I lost my child a bit before the 12 week mark and the best reason I got was “it just happens sometimes nothing you can do” and that still is a mountain on my chest. I lost a relationship of 10 years recently. I was a child when it started. I almost lost and am struggling maintaining a friendship of almost 20 years.. I’m fucking 26. It all hurts. I’m hurt. And I don’t know how to handle it but I’m doing my best for everyone. I just need to feel like I’m enough. Like I am loved just the way I am no strings attached. No outside expectations. Not loved for what I can supply but enough just being me. Struggles and all. I don’t want loved anymore either.. I don’t want to be cared about. I don’t want people to have expectations and terms and conditions of friendship that I never agreed to anymore.. Idk. @FrubblesVT . You’re not alone. I hope you find peace. I hope you find happiness. I understand all too well how you feel. And I wish I could find a way to say something inspiring and positively powerful to help, but I don’t know how to. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s enough.

Sometimes I find out that some of my vtuber moots have fansly pages or other NSFW accounts and I wonder to myself.. is it weird if I follow them? Like I want to support the homies as much as possible but at the same time feels weird in a way? 🤣

Kitty

Really don't think giving bonuses to a certain team was the play... Trying to get on the team I want with a friend is impossible (Blue since the beta, never played on a diff team). The amount of 70player lobbies where there's only 5-6 people on each team is crazy. I don't want to have my whimsy taken form me by joining the others ;-;

(Some) Vtubers & normies finding out that the more assets, toggles, and expressions a model has the more expensive it’ll be: 🙀

And I oop

NGL It took me an unreasonable amount of time to realize "Vibe Coded" meant AI Code and not just someone saying "ehhhh fuck it this will work" type shit.

BIRFDAY CAT!

>~<

But when I ask for pics I’m lucky to even get one sent to me.. life’s so unfair I want some sent to me too!!! >_<

This whole chain is just @Goblinfia ... 🤣

I’ve never been so embarrassed in my lifeeeeeeeeeeee AHHHHHHHH

Unfortunately… it’s not a rare occurrence >~<

Meanwhile 5 of mine try their hardest to suffocate me while sleeping because they want to be on my chest, stomach, face, and neck all at the same time. A 50+ lbs weighted blanket is NOT what I need ;~;

Once again.. why.. why on earth did I name myself kitten.

This character has done irreparable dmg to my neurons.

I stg plat OW players are a different breed. Has anyone ever told them that healers need LOS to do their jobs? And maybe add in that pushing a 1v5 OUT of LOS, WHILE YOU'RE CRITICAL ALREADY. Is just a bad idea? Won so many matches in a row the game kept telling me oop here's a rank boost for winning more than we expected at plat 2. Just to then throw me in lobbies with players who I am unsure if they've ever actually played the game before.

Obviously there’s one streamer @WARDOGS should listen to and it’s me. Kitten skins for heli and guns when?

Just gotta keep pushing.

Shooting My Shot! @V_Shooters