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Gonna start a company where people pay me $400/month for access to pizza, and when they want pizza they can call me for preauthorization and I’ll tell them where they can go, how much they can buy, and what kind they can get. My company will pay for 50% after the first $250 spent
My kids are both in their 20’s. My son made a “cock and balls” joke to my daughter, and now I find myself trying to explain that 1990’s Adam Sandler was VERY different than “Blended” Adam Sandler
We seem to have rapidly developed a bit of a cat addiction. These are two more strays we rescued from the street. Spent $520 getting them both checked and vaccinated at the vet. We need to place them soon though or my wife is going to insist on keeping them too
Two stacks of cookies, and there are THIRTEEN cookies per package? What psychopath made this decision, @Publix ??
People, I know what a baker’s dozen is. I’d rather have two equal stacks than one extra cookie in one stack 😑
Apparently I (a male) am a whore who has never watched a footgame in my life
Replying to @TakeThatNurses
U have never watch a footgame in your life, miserable whore. Go away and clout chase elsewhere
Maybe if you’re that intolerant of being pushed gently out of the way, football might not be the right choice of sport for you
Law school is responsible for the writing of some of the most bizarre sentences the english language has ever seen
The real business model here is rich dipshits pressing the emergency launch button just to fuck around and impress their friends, and then refilling their nitrogen tanks for 200 grand a pop
Regardless of whether Katie would have turned out to be good or a loser, this sucks. What a shitty thing to do to a person
🚨 BREAKING: Katie Zacharia has been fired as the White House press secretary
tmz.com/2026/10/16/katie-zac…
Woke up with a headache. Going to take some ibuprofen and hope the entirety of Europe doesn’t get mad at me
This is how I had to meet with my academic advisor today. Taquito is ready to take 2L Purrofessional Responsibility
The new kitten pooped, and I needed a sample to bring to the vet, so I dug it up and put a piece in the specimen cup, and then he was mad that I did that and went back to angrily re-bury his poop 😭



















