“The Exploding Man” is when you shit yourself, piss yourself, discharge fluid from your ears, cry, sneeze and throw up. It’s hard to do, and people hate it.

Had another horny dream about the 4th Dimension. All the tesseracts (4D hyper cubes) were on the dance floor, and all the tesseracts were grinding.

Told the pharmacist I had an ear infection, and he said, “Have you been swimming?” Buddy, can we focus on my health?

I am so over dancing for you in my shed.

My dad has a dehumidifier, a backup dehumidifier and he's got his eye on the current dehumidifier market.

Saw the oldest man I’d ever seen struggling to walk, and immediately felt guilty for thinking, “God, put that dog down.”

Barf is so spontaneous.

Mark Carney only masturbates in his mind, meaning that’s where he does ALL of it. Nothing happens to his body. He’s in a suit the whole time, shaking people’s hands and smiling. Even he doesn’t know it’s happening. It’s gross.

There’s a part of life that always remains unseen, invisible even to those who most inexhaustibly search for it. It’s your taint.

You wouldn't know it, but I spend a lot of my time in your shed.

I’ve begun working on an important novel called, 𝘋𝘦𝘣’𝘴 𝘚𝘩𝘦𝘥. The story focuses on Deb going to her shed and looking at old tools and other belongings. 800 pages. No plot. No dialogue except for one moment when Deb grunts at a leaf blower.

As soon as a novelist starts describing the curtains, I’m out. Reading is bullshit.

Fascist pedophiles and authoritarian regimes got you feeling down? Well, don’t give up hope just yet because Canada negotiated with China to lessen tariffs on canola seed! Everything is going to be ok. Picture Mark Carney dancing, soaked in canola oil. Never give up.

Education Update: I heard the following exchange between my students at my college: “How are finals going?” “Yo, bro, I’m fucked, bro.” That’s poetry, Josh.

You’ve got ears. I’ve got feet. Let me tell you about my foot issues.

You got feet? I got ears. Tell me about your foot issues.

Teaching update: A student took a semi-concealed call right before my literature class to tell another student who was on the way that there was no pop quiz. It was like Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

Teaching Update: April is when I usually start telling my students about my foot issues.

Yoga has helped me accept your body.

Contemporary Literature: “The characters in my first novel are, like me, doing an MFA at a prestigious college. It’s about their trials and tribulations as they, like me, do an MFA at a prestigious college.”