@TheHatStore

wheelie popper

 United States
xitter.cf/search?q=from%3A%40TheHatStore%2Fexclude%3Areplies&src=typed_query
Joined July 2013
  • Tweets23.3K
  • Following442
  • Followers2.5K
2.4KMedia
NURSE: the doctor has pronounced your father dead ME: oh my god we’ve been calling him dad all this time
44
3,625
70
17,592
Anthony McHats retweeted
Andy Ryan@ItsAndyRyanOct 19
Child psychologist: Do you have any questions? Me: How did you get a degree when you're only six?
1
4
50
1,414
This is why I stay at Hampton Inn. They get me.
74
1,295
44
36,644
1,129,273
Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore5 Sep 2023
me: I think I left my phone charger on the plane flight attendant: are you getting into the life boat or not
3
39
132
9,793
Finally!
KFC
@kfcOct 17
they’re gonna want a Go Bucket. even if they won’t admit it while you’re ordering.
3
101
*relaxing in the tub* Babe, will you toss me the toaster?
31
389
9
1,189
Anthony McHats retweeted
olive@offbeatoliv14 Nov 2018
me: what’s wrong with me therapist: [looking thru notes] you’re the worst
19
547
12
1,156
Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStoreAug 20
a miniature toaster for cooking two lil smokies at a time
1
9
16
752
Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStore19 Apr 2024
[uses a chopstick as a little bat when the hibachi chef tosses a shrimp my way]
4
30
86
6,689
Anthony McHats retweeted
Anthony McHats@TheHatStoreOct 7
[after an argument with my wife] her: [seductively] let's make up me: um pixar did that in 2009
1
3
17
627
Anthony McHats retweeted
Andy Ryan@ItsAndyRyanJun 8
[on my death bed] "Why didn't I just buy a normal bed?"
33
2,969
32
51,212
518,539
Anthony McHats retweeted
Andy Ryan@ItsAndyRyanApr 4
Years ago my wife and I were on an early date in a Chinese restaurant when another diner came over and said to me: "Can you shut up? You've got a very loud voice". I said: "My girlfriend has very poor hearing. Isn't that right?" And to her enormous credit she replied: "WHAT?"
471
6,881
152
337,650
6,816,712
[after an argument with my wife] her: [seductively] let's make up me: um pixar did that in 2009
1
3
17
627
48
Anthony McHats retweeted
sojujinbutsu@EdgarPoop1Sep 22
I'm pregnant with laughter and the father is me
29
1,932
31
11,279
172,946
hanging out at urgent care with blue balls and no one here wants to help me
1
5
125
Anthony McHats retweeted
your other mom
@difficultpattyOct 2
Humans beings weren't meant to endure this much two factor authentication.
153
3,980
91
38,940
831,865
Anthony McHats retweeted
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterSep 28
Rating every candle on Amazon. "Tastes like candle."
5
111
1
661
12,585
Anthony McHats retweeted
Stefan Urquelle@OfficeofSteveSep 25
Bring back saloon doors so people can make chaotic entrances
36
507
21
4,590
57,707
I stole my therapist's notebook and every page is just those cool S shapes from the 90s
12
261
9
5,056
137,154
fortune cookie writers are brutal these days
91
Load more