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Earth 🌎
Joined June 2024
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OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
She is 8 months pregnant and her husband has refused to touch her since she got pregnant, Why do men stay away from their pregnant wife?
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
WHAT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP MEANS TO A MAN VS WHAT IT MEANS TO A WOMAN
What it means to a man:
✨Having a girlfriend while keeping his options open.
✨Wanting freedom without losing the benefits of commitment.
✨Calling it exploration when he wants to entertain other women.
✨Expecting loyalty at home while enjoying freedom outside.
What it means to a woman:
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
She found a bunch of women’s stuff and lingerie in his house ….. But his excuse was crazy 😭
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
My mom found something really strange in her tomatoes! 😳.. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Anyone knows what's going on, and can we still eat them?!
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
My wife's best friend came to stay with us for the weekend. Her name is Amanda.
Amanda and my wife, Emily, have been best friends since high school. They grew up together. They tell each other everything.
Amanda just broke up with her boyfriend. She said she needed to get out of her apartment for a few days. My wife said, "Come stay with us. You need family right now."
I said, "Of course. She's family."
Amanda arrived on Friday afternoon. She had one small suitcase. She hugged my wife for like two minutes.
Amanda: Thank you so much for letting me stay. I just need to clear my head.
Emily: Girl, this is your house. Stay as long as you want.
Me: Yeah, make yourself at home.
Friday evening was normal. We ordered pizza. We watched a movie. Amanda laughed a lot. She seemed fine. She seemed like the same Amanda I have known for 5 years.
At 9 PM, my wife went to bed early. She said she had a headache.
Emily: Babe, I'm going to sleep. My head is killing me.
Me: Okay, baby. Take medicine. I'll clean up down here.
Amanda: I'll help you clean up, Jason.
Me: No, you are our guest. Go relax.
Amanda: No, I insist. Emily is sleeping, let me help you.
We cleaned up the kitchen. It was quiet. Too quiet.
I was in the living room watching TV. Just finishing the game. Amanda went upstairs to change.
Ten minutes later, she came back downstairs.
She was not in the same clothes.
She was in a short nightgown. Silk. Pink. Very short.
I looked away immediately.
Me: Amanda... are you going to bed in that?
Amanda: Yeah. It's hot upstairs. Is that a problem?
Me: No. It's your... it's fine.
She sat on the couch. Not on the other side. Right next to me. Her leg touched mine.
Amanda: Can't sleep?
Me: No, just finishing this game.
Amanda: Jason, can I ask you something?
Me: Sure.
Amanda: Do you ever wonder what it would be like... if you had married someone else?
I froze.
Me: Amanda, you're my wife's best friend. I'm not having this conversation.
Amanda: Relax. I'm just saying... Emily is lucky. She doesn't know what she has.
Me: She knows what she has. And I know what I have. I have a wife upstairs sleeping with a headache.
Amanda: I didn't mean it like that. I'm just... I've been watching you and Emily for years. And I always thought... you deserve someone who appreciates you more. Someone who really sees you.
Me: Amanda, Emily sees me. She married me. She chose me.
Amanda: Did she? Or did she just get to you first? Because if I had met you first...
She moved closer. She put her hand on my arm.
Amanda: Jason, you are different from other men. You're calm. You're kind. You actually listen. My ex never listened. He never even looked at me the way you look at Emily.
Me: Amanda, take your hand off my arm.
She didn't move it.
Me: Amanda. I'm going to say this once. Take your hand off my arm.
She slowly took it off.
Amanda: I'm sorry. I'm just lonely. My boyfriend left me. I haven't felt wanted in months. And you... you're right here. And you're so... good.
Me: I understand you're lonely. But I am not the solution to your loneliness. I am your best friend's husband.
Amanda: She won't know. She is asleep. She has a headache. She won't come downstairs.
Me: I will know. And God will know.
Amanda: Nobody has to know, Jason. Just tonight. Just one time.
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
Manager: “I need you to sign this expense report before you leave today.”
Employee: “What is it for?”
Manager: “Client entertainment, transportation and accommodation.”
Employee: “But the report says $40,000.”
Manager: “That’s the total cost of the business trip.”
Employee: “I was part of that trip. We spent three days there, and the company paid for the hotel directly.”
Manager: “So?”
Employee: “Why are hotel expenses included again?”
Manager: “The finance team needs a complete report.”
Employee: “Then the figures should be accurate.”
Manager: “Are you questioning my calculations?”
Employee: “I’m asking why we’re claiming $12,000 for accommodation when the hotel invoice was already settled.”
Manager: “You’re making a simple process difficult.”
Employee: “There’s also $8,000 listed for transportation. We used two company vehicles.”
Manager: “There were other transportation arrangements.”
Employee: “Which ones?”
Manager: “I don’t have time to explain every little detail.”
Employee: “Then I can’t sign it.”
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
Daughter: “I was having sex with my boyfriend when my older sister suddenly called me and said, ‘Get away from that man before it’s too late.’”
Daughter: “I thought she was joking, so I ignored her.”
Sister: “I’m serious. Have you asked him whether he’s ever been married?”
Daughter: “He’s 29. Why would I ask him that?”
Sister: “Just ask him.”
Daughter: “Babe, have you ever been married?”
Boyfriend: “Who told you to ask me that?”
Daughter: “Just answer the question.”
Boyfriend: “Yes. But it ended years ago.”
Daughter: “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Boyfriend: “Because I didn’t want to lose you.”
Sister: “Ask him what happened to his first wife.”
Daughter: “What happened to her?”
Boyfriend: “She left me.”
Sister: “That’s a lie. Tell her where your first wife is.”
Daughter: “Babe, where is she?”
Boyfriend: “She’s in this house.”
Daughter: “WHAT?”
Sister: “I’m his first wife. And I’ve been trying to tell you this since the day you introduced him to us.”
Would you blame the sister for keeping quiet, or the boyfriend for hiding his marriage?
OsiLama ✌️ retweeted
This time, it was a receipt showing that my $86 restaurant charge had been refunded.
Except there was a problem.
They had refunded $86 to my card, then charged me another $86 under the description “restaurant adjustment.”
I called again.
Me: “I’m looking at the new receipt. Why have I been charged again?”
Reception: “Oh, that shouldn’t have happened.”
Me: “Can you explain what the new charge is for?”
Reception: “It seems the restaurant reversed the original transaction, but the adjustment was processed separately.”
Me: “So I’m still paying for someone else’s dinner?”
Reception: “I’m afraid it appears so.”
Me: “Can I speak to the manager?”
The manager eventually came on the line.
Manager: “I’m very sorry. I’ll personally make sure this is corrected.”
Me: “Please do. I’ve spent more time discussing this meal than the person who actually ate it.”
The manager apologized again and promised to send me a final statement.
I eventually got my money back three days later.
But I still don’t understand how a hotel can identify the wrong room, charge the wrong guest, and then struggle to refund the same charge.
I wonder how many people simply pay these extra charges without questioning them.