Uber Dad Jokes

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up..

I had a dream i was swimming in an ocean of fizzy drink.. It was a fanta sea.

My son saw a gay ghost in his bedroom last night It came out of the closet..

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef..

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what’s your blood type?” “I’m probably a type O” said the rabbit.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? HDMI..

I programmed a pirate game, but the main character doesn’t look enough like a pirate.. There will be a coming patch soon.

Did you know Mortal Kombat is based on an old Scandinavian church song ? It’s a Finnish hymn..

If you see a crime at an Apple store, what does that make you? An iWitness..

Never throw sodium chloride at someone.. That's assault.

What do you do with a sick pig Call the Hambulance..

What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry? 58..

What are a giant's pronouns? Fe/Fi/Fo/Fum..

Losing my hair made me sad. So I bought a cheap wig.. It was a small price toupee.

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny..

What do you call a three eyed tiger? A Tiiiger..

I got tired of my wife criticising my sense of direction. So I packed up my things and right..

How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor..

Someone is stealing tires off of police cars in my area... The police are working tirelessly to arrest him.

I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn't concentrate..