Jamie

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I'd call my body type, "3/4 used tube of toothpaste".

Of course I meant lumberjack, honey. I just finished mowing the flower beds didn't I?

You say, body scrub. I hear, sand in hairy cracks.

I put my socks on just like anybody else, one sleeve at a time.

Some days, "good morning!" is a threat.

I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get my earlobe inside my ear canal.

My reflexes are so bad, I was unlocking the front door as I flinched at the rock that cracked my windshield.

I have a 1 hour commute. I dance more by 8am than most people do all day.

The differences between Obama and Trump are Black and White!

Spelling isn't my strong suite.

If the NRA doesn't offer solutions for gun control, it's a co-conspirator to this terrorist act.

Help me wish my baby @Haunshaul a very happy birthday!

Sowing disrespect to avoid the issue...clever. Infantile but clever.

9,862 days at a time.

Happy birthday to @MrBigFists !!

My president would understand why I was not standing for the national anthem.

Another Flamin' Hot Cheetos PSA: Just kidding, I had a jumbo bag of white cheddar jalapeno popcorn for dinner tonight.

Another Flamin' Hot Cheetos PSA: If you don't intend to wash your hands first, I HIGHLY recommend sitting down to pee.

Men kill with guns. Women kill with a look.