Told my girlfriend that mum is deaf so speak loud and slow. Also told mum that my girlfriend is special needs

Good morning twitter fam Nippy start to the day 🥶

Pampas grass is fucked How are folk going to think we're swingers now FFS #BastardWind

2 meat samosa for breakfast Go on then

Right, the wind can fuck off now

If you've got kids I suggest you get them a fuggler for Christmas 🤣🫣 Fucking weird nightmare inducing things

Good morning poor peasants

How my night went with @elvana_elvis1 💙 3rd time seeing them Brought a few family members along for their first time And they were blown away

Off up that there holmfirth to watch @elvana_elvis1

Well, I thought I'd get myself an army issue goretex waterproof jacket And camo So no fucker can see me (I'll be hiding in ya garden this time next week)

Footy tomorrow Not cold enough for the big coat But wet I may have to invest in a thin waterproof jacket

Who needs a Tesla anyway

Hope it pisses it down all day That way I don't have to wash the car before the funeral

Am I the only one here that still has a summer set of bedding on ?? (Love getting into a cold bed )

Work phone is going off downstairs And I've a day off What a wanker for not silencing it 😩

Finally sorted twitter out Yes it works properly now I've downloaded x

dark cold morning, Sat in bed with the sheets wrapped around me, Contemplating life... And the only regret I have.. Last night's curry

Any dormant volcanoes knocking about 👀

I'm sexy and I know it

Solicitors have just sent me the prices they charge ... Think I'll file for bankruptcy now