At 23, I started sleeping with a guy I had a giant crush on who did not like me back. To me, this was very obviously what it was: I liked having sex with my crush, and he liked having sex with me. We were not dating. We had sex between episodes of Archer & Community when we saw each other. I didn't call it a situationship for the 2 years we slept together because my feelings didn't change what this was. I thought of him as a hook-up. I slept with and dated other men. Was he predatory for sleeping with a woman he probably knew quite liked him? I would say no. I slept with him *voluntarily*. (And I frankly realized my crush was irrational as I got to know him better. We would not have worked as a couple for many reasons; he was just hot & funny.) I think calling a guy who has consensual sex with a woman a predator is frankly dangerous territory that dulls down the meaning of the word predator & takes away women's agency. Some guys would tell him he was wrong to do that, but I would have missed out on 2 years of mind-blowing sex and disliked you telling him not to sleep with me, so where's my ability to choose here? And funnily enough, there was a moment I realized he was vulnerable in this arrangement in a way I was not: the condom broke. I wasn't worried; I said I'd get Plan B. He was suddenly VERY worried & asked what I'd do if the Plan B didn't work. It was hard not to laugh: there was no way in hell I'd have a baby with this guy. But the relief on his face when I informed him of that made me realize men ought to be way more proactive in finding out what a woman would do if she got pregnant during a casual fling! The woman gets the final say, after all; the man does not. So him being informed on what I'd do is incredibly important, no? But this experience made me firmly believe that women don't end up in casual situations because we're helpless prey. Sex with a crush is undeniably fun; that's why women keep going back for more even if a commitment is uncertain. He ended up dating the woman he'd marry and broke things off when they started dating. Was I sad? Yes, cuz bye bye good sex. Did I feel taken advantage of? Not at all. I understand some women fervently believe their situationship will commit any day now, but while we can argue all day whether the guy is a bad guy for that, the responsibility for our own actions ultimately falls on us. Carrie on SATC chose to keep seeing Big when he wasn't committing. A woman who has been informed there is no commitment & continues to see a guy is making a choice. She may not like the consequences of that choice, or feel hurt he's not committing, but it's still HER choice. And if a choice is made, you don't get to blame anyone else for that choice. Welcome to adulthood! A guy lying is a different story, btw. For the purpose of this specific argument, we're talking women who knowingly & willingly sleep with a man who isn't committed. I just don't consider the man a predator. And people who argue those women keep showing up because they're hoping there will be a commitment, and therefore the guy is in the wrong, are ignoring the part where the woman KNOWS there's no commitment right now. She can use her words & say she wants a commitment or she's not doing this anymore. But she doesn't. And I'd argue that's because she likes what she's getting enough to not do so. Others argue she's a helpful victim of her desire for commitment & a casual sex culture, but I will always assign adult women more agency than that. If you as a woman don't want to have sex without commitment... don't. But you don't get to blame everyone but you — the guy, the culture, the supposed social pressure — and expect me to take you seriously. Women are either responsible for their own decisions, or they're not really adults. And I sure as hell don't like the implications of the latter. No woman should!