"I'm actually a plain clothes police officer here to protect you, haha yeah I guess I am one of the good guys"

mean this with all love jerry hall r u ok in the head #celebritytraitors

Getting Ed Miliband and Shabana Mahmood to walk into Downing Street hand in hand, and then appointing John Healey as Chancellor is extremely camp politics

"he needs to represent fifa better than them trainers" hahaha who put 50p in Wayne Rooney tonight

This hasn't been a World Cup final for the ages, but tonight has at least provided two real highlights - Enzo Fernandez getting sent off and Wayne Rooney slagging off the half time show #ESPARG

Tommy Tuchel saying he didn't even know Saka had a hat trick is some of the most bizarre man management I have ever seen

Glad we rested Saka against Argentina so he was fresh for this third place play off❤️ #FRAENG

m-barrassing #FRAENG

what's french for "what the fuck is going on" #FRAENG

Gonna miss these hydration breaks on cold rainy nights in Stoke in November

anthony gordon the peoples princess ❤️

keir starmer what did you do

going to see my chemical romance on saturday, what are the chances Gerard Way agrees to wrap things up early so we can get home for the Norway game

nothing has ever made me want to cancel my license fee than guy mowbray telling me to scan a QR code at 3am

me turning up to my MP meeting in the morning now the match won't finish until 5am

someone talk me through the psychology of tagging keir starmer in your instagram posts slagging him off

immediate hot take of this morning is that it's going to be pretty difficult for Gary Neville to become the Mayor of Manchester if he's contractually obliged to be out of the country in the next month

Singing Mr Brightside during a hydration break makes me physically sick

croatian keeper gonna win the ballon d'or???

if we start the tournament by missing a pen, does that mean we don't have to finish it that way

everyone's all "it's the drama Mick, I love it" but it's 15 minutes into this match and I actually feel ill