C a s e y

Folks, I launched the most beautiful Trump coin yesterday, absolutely beautiful. Everyone was saying "Sir, this is the greatest coin launch in history." But then Melania - and listen, I love Melania, fantastic woman, used to be my favorite wife - she comes out with her own coin. Can you believe it? Very nasty move, very nasty. My coin was doing great numbers, the best numbers, and then BOOM - down it goes. People are saying it's the biggest betrayal since what Crazy Nancy did to Sleepy Joe. That was terrible, wasn't it? The Dems, I tell you folks, are just terrible people. Look what they have done to our country. This used to be a great country. And you know what? I had a great call with my good friend Elon - brilliant guy, loves rockets, almost as smart as me - and he's got this fantastic rocket going to Mars. Beautiful rocket, beautiful planet, red like my tie. And I said, "Elon, buddy, do you have room for one more passenger? I've got this problem here on Earth with my coin. I say we send Melania to Mars. She told me she always wanted to be a star." And once she's gone - and this is the beautiful part - we're going to make cryptocurrency great again. No more spouse coins. Just pure, beautiful Trump coins. And believe me, the next wife - and there will be a next wife, maybe the best wife ever - she's going to sign a pre-launch agreement. Very strict, very legal, no other coins allowed!