your friend (winter edition)

sorry for doing the whole announcing my departure because twitter is clearly not an airport. i hope that you are all as well as you can be, i will be back sometime. holding you all in thought 🖤

don’t want to jinx it but i’m actually doing okay so far today… dare i say, happy?

yesterday was very difficult but i really tried my best today: - got to work on time (for once) - did a half day at work - met with employment support - got my nails done - made a chilli - made lunch for the next two days - put all of my washing away one day at a time 🫶🏽

started greeting everyone at work with “hey friend” and now everyone says “hey my friend” back. somewhere in that there’s healing. i think i truly am ~your friend~ irl and url

recent pay rise means i’m now earning more even though i’ve reduced my hours. counselling assessment tomorrow and they offer evening sessions so it will fit around work. therapy tomorrow and i’m looking forward to seeing my psychologist! i’ve got this🤞🏾(i hope)

i’m really lovely (underneath it all)

this week has been the most difficult week in months. truly thought it was the end. i think my glimmer of hope is back after todays therapy session! the weight i’ve been carrying for so long feels as though it’s lifting

trying to remember how far i’ve come and how much effort i’ve put into improving my life. i was on long term sick last year. my socialising consisted of walking to the end of my road in slippers with HTT. now i’m back to working full time and going out with my best friend tonight

sorry to sound like a scratch record but my new psychologist explained each therapy that is used for ptsd and we took some time to think about which approach would be right for me. ultimately i can choose (and chose emdr). very thankful to be heard

so very grateful that i’m going to be able to start emdr therapy (via nhs) with the most wonderful clinical psychologist. still unsure if i’m worthy of this help but miracles really do happen

the most beautiful bunch of flowers gifted to me today as a birthday gift from a parent of a child i teach. grateful isn’t the word 🥲

maybe i really am loved?

one of the girls in my class said to me this morning that she’s so happy at school because i understand her autism and adhd more than any of her other teachers have. she really struggled last year and now she’s thriving. very special moment!

happy birthday to me. i actually made it to 31! 🎈- for the 30 years i’ve missed, i won’t miss 1 more. emotional

at 6am today i realised i’ve been accidentally taking 100mg of lamotrigine a day rather than 300mg for over 2 weeks. oh life… maybe this is why i feel like i’m dying but also why i feel suicidal for the first time in a long time?

first trauma therapy session this afternoon went well. it’s going to be a very long journey (that i know will continue after the sessions end) but i feel incredibly lucky to be able to work with a brilliant psychologist. here’s to a fresh start and new coping mechanisms

first trauma therapy session tomorrow afternoon. trying not to think too far ahead but worried it’s going to send me into a depression again. i’m finally at a point where i’m not depressed and i can’t let myself go back to that place - it nearly killed me last year. any advice?

lunchtime pick me up, happy

anxiety really wanted to win today but i did my best: 💊took my meds 🛒went to the shop 🚘got petrol 📞called dwp 🧺did my washing 🎵set up my new speakers 🚶🏽‍♀️went for a walk 🌮made lunch and dinner for the next two days it’s really hard to keep going but i will try 🫶🏽

some of the ways i’m going to prioritise my healing from complex ptsd: • continue positive self-talk • spend more time in nature • look after my body (attend all medical appointments) • take some time out when my emotions are heightened • accept help let’s see 🖤