Andrea Paulson

I needed to move a sofa. I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?" I did not know anybody with a truck. He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name. "You gotta know somebody with a truck." I asked how one acquires such a person. He said, "You just do." This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having. He said, "Ask Kevin." I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle. I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius. Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES. Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man. I had not asked for a second man. The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves. They moved the sofa in eleven minutes. I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not. I asked what I owed them. Kevin said, "Buy the pizza." That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size. Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE. We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it. Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive." I still think about that. Three weeks later, Kevin texted me. "You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge." He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge. Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF. I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms. Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck. I said, "Yeah, I got a guy." I have a guy. I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me. He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size." I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

It’s important that you understand what happened last night. Last night, Stephen Colbert interviewed Democratic Texas Senate candidate James Talarico, a candidate who, by all accounts, is on track in the polls to flip Texas blue. In response, Trump’s FCC reportedly threatened CBS if the interview aired. CBS caved and pulled the segment, citing “financial reasons.” In modern American history, no president has been more hostile to free speech than Donald Trump. But censorship always backfires. Here’s the full segment Trump didn’t want you to see.

I share this post in earnest and (what may prove a naive) hope that a few people caught in the situation I’m about to describe will hear instead of rushing to the usual tropes, criticisms and caricatures. For what it’s worth, I offer this in good faith. Between 2016 and 2022, I faced a test of the genuineness of my faith so large and consequential, I’m almost at a loss to think of the right adjectives to describe it. It might not have been so big to someone else but it involved so much of my Christian identity, it was all but existential. Well more than that. It was a dying. It is this test that helps me understand why people who seem deeply devoted to the Lord Jesus and hold the scriptures in highest esteem also hold to a system, institution or leader no matter what they do and defend a side or individual to a degree that is baffling. I can tell you why because I had to face every bit of it. Identity, community, camaraderie, what we’ve known and loved, what part of it we still love, the people we loved, the people we still love, reputation, what people will think, how you will be judged and condemned and thrown over to the other side who doesn’t want you either. And to whom you also do not align and would not belong. Friendships. How you will be misunderstood and misrepresented. How adrift and alone you will feel. How disliked. And then there’s this and it would be a mistake to minimize it: your JOB. Your source of income. Your vocation. This is the part of the crisis I most write these words to convey because I think they are most in play for many right now, whether in media, ministry or politics. Let me try to put this in the words that were constantly resonant in my spirit in those years. And to this day. Though you have no other place to go, Beth, and no place to fit and it not only MAY have financial repercussions but WILL have financial repercussions to the ministry and to your family and will also make them targets and none of it will ever look the same or be the same, will you choose what you believe to be right and put everything else in your vocational life at risk? This is what is at risk for many people whose professional reputations and positions are tied up with leaders, institutions and political parties. Mine was, too. The cost is enormous and the options are often untenable. And so there we are. Having to cast ourselves on the mercy of God. Not for a third way. But as THE ONLY WAY. The only truth. The only life. I’ve made multiple errors in judgment. Jumped too quickly to condemn. Spoken wrongly. Remained silent wrongly and confusingly. I never get it completely together. But what I will tell you is that I believe we are meant first and foremost to call out our own house, our own side, and our own identity group for its mind-boggling hypocrisy. These were my people. Evangelicals. Conservatives. Claim what you will but I know who I am: I am pro life from conception to casket. I am pro small government. I am pro godliness and the pursuit of a holy life. I am pro marriage and family and pro-those God calls to remain single and sanctified and I’m deeply thankful for them. I am pro traditional sexual ethics. I am pro love of God and love of neighbor and the dignity of every person as an image bearer of Christ. I am pro love all. I am pro church. I believe in the community of the saints. I am pro Bible study to the death and believe the aim of all discipleship is to know and love and follow and emulate Jesus Christ. I am pro gospel. Dear God in heaven, I am pro gospel. I believe there is one name by whom we must be saved. Jesus. What I am not is pro Trump. Wasn’t pro Clinton. Wasn’t pro Biden. But those were not the candidates many in the world that I loved so much were cheering on. I accept that Donald Trump is my president. I pray for him on a regular basis. I’m a law abiding citizen and pay my taxes. But I believe Trump fosters something in people that makes them lose their way.