Alex

You call yourself ugly but you’ve only seen yourself when you look at the mirror, a thread.

Let me try again this year. Let me fall into the ups and downs, bracing myself into the uncertainties. Let me have fun, laugh, be scared of it all. Let me make mistakes, get lost, second guess myself, let me embrace all of the chaos, until I find myself again.

Here's what they don't tell you about healing. Some days, it feels like you've finally overcome & put it past you. Most days, everything comes rushing back to you. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's just that healing takes a long time to do and that's okay.

Say it now and say it often, "I don't have to be someone I'm not to be accepted. I can continue to be me and find the right people who sees me as me."

As you heal, you'll begin to realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are living, making mistakes, learning, realizing, and growing, just like everybody else. It doesn't matter who you used to be. You are allowed to experience it all & come out who you want to be.

I am so glad you exist and you gave yourself a chance to try again.

When you chose to keep going, you chose to accept that there will be disappointments and failures, you chose the struggle, you chose the difficult path and despite it all, you also chose growth, you chose to let it crash and flow, you chose to learn and try, you chose to heal.

At the end of the day, that stubborn hope led you here. So many things about life you want to be part of again. It doesn't matter if the step forward is hard and you'll mess up once in a while. What matters is it doesn't feel as heavy as it was and you gave life a chance.

And if years ago, you said you'd try again, I hope you don't forget the strength it took to keep going. You may still be figuring it out, taking it one step at a time, but through it all, you've kept your heart kind and your soul warm. Through it all, you chose to keep on living.

Today, focus on who you are. Focus on where you are. It's okay even if there is so much pressure to reinvent yourself. Loving who you have become and valuing the journey that brought you here today is important too.

Note to self: You are not here to just survive. You are here to experience. You are here to thrive. There is a purpose in your presence. There is a purpose you are alive. Take your time to realize this and trust where this journey takes you.

Here's the thing. There is no right way to live your life. Your journey may not look like somebody else's but isn't that how stories are supposed to be? It's a story for you tell. A story like no other. Here's to the chapters and pages of what you've been through to get here.

You've worked so hard. You've tried your best. This journey is about you taking a step forward & showing up. It's no longer about what others say about you. It's about what you want for yourself. I hope you're proud of where this courage has taken you. You deserve to go further.

I hope you know you're enough even when you make mistakes. I hope you know it's okay if it turns out to be the wrong decision. It's time to unlearn that making mistakes or making the wrong decision makes you less worthy. You are learning despite it all. Try again anyway.

Look at how you're trying. Look at how you're showing up. No one knows how much it took to get here but you're taking each step forward. Even when you still don't know where you're headed, you're bravely finding yourself anyway. Here's to your strength. Here's to your courage.

The rest is yours when you're healing and that's the hardest part. No one can teach you where to go from here. It's all up to you. What's important is learning the lessons as you move forward. It took me a while to learn but nothing ever goes away until you live the lessons.

To be honest, I hope people learn to make people feel they're not a burden because sometimes that's all we need. When we're going through something, we feel as if anything we do is a burden for others. But remember, it's what you're going through that's heavy, not your existence.

I don't know who needs to hear this today but it's okay to still be hurting when you're healing. Allow yourself to accept that some things just hurt and it will never go away. Love yourself through the anger, hurt, and pain of hoping it'll be okay again, but it isn't yet.

You know, don't mistake living with just having fun. Living is also figuring it out, healing, making mistakes, learning, crying, reflecting, listening to music, humming your fave tune in your room doing nothing, and despite it all, choosing to keep going. This is living too.

Surround yourself with people who will support you as you figure things out. And by figuring out I don't just mean when you actually figure it out, but throughout the journey leading up to it. Throughout the messy, uncomfortable, awkward, and painful figuring out.

Here's to a new week. Here's to treating ourselves more gently. Here's to learning to be more human, being clumsy, inconsistent, disorganized, & getting distracted. Healing isn't about doing things right, it's to remind you that you have time to breathe even if you mess up.