obsessing over your shortcomings often gets in the way of actually working on them all that is required is a “ah, I don’t like this; here’s how I plan to fix it.” constant rumination feels productive but isn’t; usually it just entrenches the pattern even more, by depositing a layer of shame & guilt on top of it shame usually isn’t necessary but at most it should be short term and acute, providing the impetus to action - if the shame is not creating the will to act, then it is keeping you stuck hold the balance of “it’s not that big of a deal / I’m going to do something about it”