I practice movement, write about life explorations, and create art. Podcaster. Course Creator. Capoeristađ¤¸ââď¸ Life is a playgroundâ¨
Austin, TX
Joined March 2019
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I got proposals for my book cover! If you see these four books in the bookstore, which one would you pick up?
Word Choice and punctuation are hard!
Today I was editing a conversation between @p_millerd I during pandenmic. I had just started my podcast, and I treated him as a business guru, asking him for every business advice.
This was his reply:
âIf I hand over my creative will to the âso-called marketâ, how is that any different from being a company employee? I might as well go back to consultingâI'd make more than from creating and wouldnât have to face the uncertainty that comes with it.â
The so-called market took me 10 mins to decide and gone through different versions of :
- (Original )If I hand over my creative will to the so-called market
- (Editor) If I hand over my creative will to the market
- (Final) If I hand over my creative will to the âso-called marketâ
My original version was " the so-called marketâ, but then my editor changed it to just âmarket.â
It is obvious to me that my editor did not understand why I used the phrase âso-calledâ. By directly using the word âmarketâ, it presented Paul as someone who accepts that the abstract idea of a market is something worth accepting.
But Iâm trying to make the subtle point that he questions that, too. That you should always just play the game the economy puts in front of you on its own terms. For Paul, heâs creating for real people, and even considering that there is a âmarketâ that needs to be pleased undermines his energy.
Every word choice and punctuation in the book will shape someoneâs perception of the reality of me, people in my life, and how they take away from my life story. Iâm having faith that yes the book editing process is looooooong but it will be worth it!
While writing my memoir, I kept returning to "love" as the core belief of my life. But when asked how I define love, I could not answer this age-old question that people have pondered for centuries. So, I threw my entire memoir into claude.ai (thanks, @taskett !) and asked: What is love to me?
âFrom the narrative clues in your book, âloveâ for you is not just about romantic relationships or family bonds, but more a process of self-discovery and self-healing. Youâve gone through lifeâs ups and downsâbeing a dark horse turned underachiever, dropping out from school, graduating from Ivy League school only to end up working in a hot pot restaurant. These experiences led you to repeatedly examine your growing pains and longings.
For you, âloveâ is a kind of learningâa practice in accepting your own vulnerability, forgiving past failures, and, through cycles of self-destruction and rebuilding, learning how to make peace with the world and with yourself. This kind of love isnât merely attachment to others, but a conscious choiceâa force that compels you, even in solitude, confusion, or self-exile, to still believe in the world, and to believe that you are worthy of love.â
Bravo, Claude!
âWho am I really? What am I meant to accomplish in this life?â These fundamental questions about my existence in this world prompted me to start writing a memoir last yearâand it all began with becoming a mother.
Because the path to motherhood isnât like a fairy tale where one âlives happily ever after.â Instead, itâs a long process of self-deconstruction and reconstruction. I thought becoming a mother would permanently fill the void in my heart, but the truth is, I canât expect my daughter to answer the questions of my own life.
So I began writing about my life. Maybe through the process of writing, I can reorganize my story and find some answers to the questions Iâve never been able to answer.
In the book, I write honestly about the sense of inadequacy I felt at National Taiwan University and in the Ivy League, the post-Columbia days working at a hotpot restaurant, quitting a tech job to pursue a dream in fitness, and later leaving that to create the Curious Barbell podcastâyet constantly battling imposter syndrome, which sabotaged me after every success.
I also write about how studying abroad deeply damaged my relationship with my family, my blind pursuit of the American Dream, my rejection of my Taiwanese identity, and how it wasnât until I married Paul (@pathlesspaul) and began a nomadic lifestyle that I realized what I truly want: a life lived between borders, constantly reshaped by cultural collisions.
If becoming a mother changed my relationship with my family in Taiwan, the process of writing this book has allowed me to reconcile with my own life. Iâve started to see my own courage, the hope in my journey, and Iâve come to understand that what I seek is not the âcorrectâ answer to existenceâbut the realization that life itself, in its unfolding, is the answer.
The hardest part of writing a memoir is revisiting the chapters when I failed epically; every word feels like peeling open a painful scar all over again. Yet perhaps true healing can only come from honestly confronting the mistakes I have made.
Things to remember in the final few months of writing my memoir:
- How can I be in wonder and enjoy the hell out of the process?
- How can I connect with myself when I feel like I'm losing control?
- What do I crave for that I don't already have?
- How can I be more vulnerable?
- Life is not competition, but love and connection
- How can I redefine success
- What if I'm already loved and there's nothing to prove?
Training is the best way I find community while living a nomadic life.
Yesterday, we drove for half an hour with my daughter to the southeast tip of Koh Samui to join a local Capoeira class. We had barely stepped out of the car when an auntie scolded us for parking the wrong way. I scratched my nose, thinking how blunt and rude that was.
People were scattered around the beach pavilion where the class was. I took up the courage to say hi to one lady. She replied in a short, Russian-accented English and immediately looked back at her phone. I felt a bit let down, wondering if I had expected too much of today.
Seconds later, she looked up and asked me in perfect Chinese, âDo you speak Chinese?â
It turned out she and the instructor had lived in Shanghai for over twenty years, and she even knew my capoeira mentor, Mestre Pinga Fongo, from Austin, Texas! We squealed like old friends and dove into a lively Chinese chat about Capoeira and expat life.
Class began, the sea breeze blowing as we paired with different students. When I partnered with the same âparking auntie,â we gripped each otherâs sweaty hands, crawling and laughing like playful gorillas. After class, everyone lingered, happily swapping training stories.
In just two hours, I went from a tourist floating above Samui life to a member of its training community. I donât think I will ever stop practicing capoeira. â¤ď¸
Angie Wang retweeted
I regret to inform you that:
Thinking about the feeling isnât feeling the feeling
Talking about the feeling isnât feeling the feeling
Writing about the feeling isnât feeling the feeling
Does any other Chinese writer on @substack also have trouble with their shareable images?
After over a year of the long marathon of writing my book, I finally submitted my manuscript to the editor. We arrived in Oaxaca, Mexico, for a month for my sabbatical month. But in the first week, a series of unexpected events happened, forcing me to put out fires left and right. I was overwhelmed with anxiety.
Later, I realized that none of these were actually "urgent matters"âit was just my habitual mindset pulling me back into a state of busyness. It turns out that being in a state of ease and expansion feels unfamiliar and even scary to me, and stepping into it requires a bit of determination.
With this realization, I now see this as a practice. I could fill this sabbatical month with online courses and a long reading list or learn how to slow down, allowing my mind and body to heal.
"Rest is for walking a longer journey ahead." This phrase might sound clichĂŠ, but at this moment, it holds a deep meaning for me.
I posted something semi-controversial about how I rejected being a good Asian daughter on Threads yesterday and got some negative comments.
I used to be so scared of receiving any criticism. I would immediately fall into despair and create all sorts of drama in my head.
But this time, I found myself loving the intensity. Yes, I'm pissed off, but I love my anger. It's like, despite feeling the fire rising within me, I also felt the tingling excitement, telling me I was actually enjoying it.
These changes wouldn't have happened if I'd never gone through the emotional inquiry taught in @artofaccomp 's Great Decision Course. Can't wait to see how much more stuff will unfold in the rest of the course!
My memoir is in the beta reading stage, and @vals_pals_ gimme the most honest feedback I needed.
I shared how I became the black horse of our mediocre middle school and got into the best high school in town. She asked me what motivated me to work hard.
I was confused for a second. At first, I didn't have an answer. My parents didn't have a college degree; they didn't have high expectations for me. But I remember several times I was so stressed that I had to go to the hospital to get a painkiller injection for my stomach pain. Where did this self-expectation come from?
Then, I leaned into my memory, searching for moments when I felt shame and fear of failing the test. Somehow, the expressions of disdain on other parents' faces popped up. Suddenly, I realized I had studied hard because I was ashamed of my class. I was ashamed that every time people found out my mom worked in the traditional market, they could never hide their contempt.
I was trying not to end up being like my mom.
This is a heartbreaking realization, but after confronting my sadness about how ignorant I was as a kid, I've also finally come to peace about all the struggles I had from wanting to prove myself and self-sabotage over and over again.
I love writing. (and my mom)
Recently, I learned that if I want to write a good memoir, I must confront the demon within me.
1st draft: Completely skipped the part where I dropped out of my first college cuz it was too painful
2nd draft: Wrote a few paragraphs, still avoided talking about the truth
3rd draft: fuck that I'm going all out
Ah, it feels good to be honest with myself and my readers.
Thanks to @p_millerd for always (lovingly) pointing out my bullshitđŠˇ
Angie Wang retweeted
Many of my friends had kids years ago and Iâm currently 7 months pregnant with my first.
Now that Iâm experiencing pregnancy myself, itâs clear how clueless I was when I tried to help my friends when they were pregnant â despite having good intentions.
The reality is that every pregnancy is unique.
I canât make a list of *useful things for pregnant women* that you can pick from to be of service, because whatâs useful for one might not be for another.
Instead, Iâve gathered information about the reality of pregnancy and thoughts on how you might be able to help your pregnant friend(s) navigate their own reality.
Hope this helps!
1. Timeline
Pregnancy is split in 3 trimesters over 40 weeks. Itâs counted in weeks and days, so your friend might say theyâre 13w2d pregnant.
This is both short (given theyâre literally building a human and getting ready to transform their family unit) and extremely long (a day of uncomfortable symptoms can feel like a lifetime).
đ You can help by recognising theyâre basically on a long-distance run. Be gracious with them throughout their pregnancy â particularly when theyâre struggling.
2. A variety of symptoms
Some pregnant women hardly have any symptoms. Some feel changes as soon as four weeks in, sometimes earlier if they know what to look out for.
This includes nausea, fatigue, mood swings, food cravings or aversions, anxiety, depression, headaches, heartburn, bloating, cramping, gum issues⌠and more.
đ You can help by not assuming what symptoms your friend will have â everyone is different.
3. The trenches of the first trimester
Many women choose to keep their pregnancy private during the first 12 weeks (i.e. the first trimester) and try to act normally despite physical symptoms sometimes hitting them really hard.
If nausea, exhaustion or anxiety keeps hitting your friend day after day, and week after week, itâll feel not only relentless, but also isolating, if theyâre trying to keep their pregnancy private.
đ You can help by checking in on your friend after theyâve shared the news. Ask how their first trimester went and let them share what it was really like.
4. The journey is exhausting!
Often pregnant women experience levels of exhaustion they have never experienced before.
The number of naps I was taking increased 10x in pregnancy, and even with the naps there were days where I couldnât cook a meal, let alone walk to the shops.
đ You can help by offering your seat on public transport, coming to their neighbourhood for meetups, or being understanding if they leave an event early. Flexibility is kindness.
5. A weaker immune system
Pregnant women are more susceptible to colds, flu, or even more serious infections.
đ You can help by not meeting up with them when you're sick. Pregnancy is already tough enough without the added stress of getting unwell..
6. Serious complications can arise
Most pregnancies are uncomplicated.
But conditions like hyperemesis gravidarum (severe nausea), clotting disorders (which can lead to life-threatening pulmonary embolisms), pre-eclampsia (leading to seizures) etc. are real risks for some (albeit few) women. This is a time when your friend might feel at their most vulnerable.
đ You can help by respecting your friendâs priorities and boundaries. They might not want to share everything thatâs going on with them and donât owe you information on their health issues.
7. Body changes are inevitable
Your friendâs body will change â sometimes unpredictably. Some women show early, others barely look pregnant at 9 months. It can be hard for some to accept that their body is getting bigger, or to be seen differently (i.e. as a pregnant woman first) by society.
đ You can help by not commenting on shape and size unless your friend invites you to.
8. (Not) touching the bump
Some people feel entitled to touch a pregnant womanâs bump. Thatâs not okay. You donât touch other peopleâs stomachs randomly so why would you randomly touch a baby bump.
đ Ask for permission if you want to touch their bump.
9. An emotional journey
Pregnancy can be an emotional rollercoaster. Itâs not just about physical discomforts, itâs also about mood swings, anxiety, and the overwhelming nature of preparing for a baby.
đ You can help by simply asking your friend how theyâre feeling â not just physically, but emotionally â and offering a safe space for them to vent or express their worries. Itâs a vulnerable conversation though, so donât insist if theyâre not up for it.
10. Making the journey more comfortable
Your pregnant friend will be encouraged to do things to help their bodies go through pregnancy as smoothly as possible. Eat healthily when they can. Exercise safely. Rest. Lower stress levels.
Some practical things might also help e.g. a pregnancy pillow or support belt to ease back pain and help them sleep. For me, wearing cute pregnancy clothes was a joy.
đ You can help by decreasing their stress levels where you can e.g. offer to postpone a meet-up if you see theyâre struggling to find the energy for it; or maybe offer to buy them a cute pregnancy top.
11. Your friend will need things, but maybe not what you think
Despite what some people say, you actually need a lot of new *stuff* to welcome a baby in your home â this requires both money and space.
I really appreciated friends who only gave me what I truly needed.
đ You can help by asking your friends what they need and finding joy in giving them just that. Buy from the registry if they have one. If you find something you think theyâll really love, ask them if they want it before you buy instead of giving them something theyâll feel compelled to store and send you pictures of later. You want to help, not give them more work.
12. New levels of physical discomfort often return in the third trimester
Your friend will likely face back pain, swelling, and more exhaustion in the third trimester. Unfortunately this is also when baby showers and nursery preparations typically happen.
đ You can help by offering assistance with anything thatâs physically or mentally draining e.g. building furniture, meal prepping ahead of delivery, organising a baby shower. Maybe your friend would enjoy being gifted a deep-clean of their home a few weeks before delivery â maybe not. If you're not sure, ask!
Sometimes I wonder if pregnancy and motherhood are more magical than magic mushrooms.
Just wondering...
I just walked to the coffee shop counter and asked the staff if they could turn on the heater.
2025 is going to be a year of courage â¨
When I doubted my worthiness of love, I feared connectionâevery new encounter felt like a painful reminder that I didnât deserve to be loved.
But when I believe Iâm worthy of love, I seek connectionâevery new encounter becomes an opportunity to welcome more love into my life.
Maybe making friends isnât about perfecting social skills. Itâs about healing the wounds within, rewriting the story we tell ourselves, letting go of the belief that weâre broken, and embracing our inherent, unshakable worthiness of love.
Newsletter: Condensing my memories of a decade into one sentence.
Book 1: Expanding that one sentence to 50,000 words.
Book 2: Condensing that 50,000 words into one paragraph.
Very interesting to see how my narrative skills improve through these writing projects.
