Legendary combo 🔜

Getting out of class at 6pm and it already being dark outside isn’t good for my soul

Tonight 🤤

I need your help. 👇👇 A witch has placed a curse on me. The worst part? I can only talk like I’m writing a LinkedIn post. Here’s what this experience taught me about B2B sales. You have to account for Every. Little. Thing. Yes, even witches. Please help me.

(Showing up to the bar with a hickey I gave myself) Ok where’s the fent

In 5 years we’ll all be going bankrupt on the Stella Lefty sports gambling app then default on our mortgages through PandaExpress AI

Due to lack of popularity Boydle and Genderfluidle will go live this week

Introducing Girldle! A fresh take on the Worldle genre where you (a girl) send me your photo and relevant info, and I guess who it is! Sign up now!

I removed the locks from my door because I don’t support hostile architecture. I think a homeless Tucsonian will find my room quite comfortable!

(Trying to impress a girl at the bar) No seriously I don’t think Warheads are that sour. And Takis? Not that spicy 😭

Full grown woman in one of my graduate courses said she “avoids taking any courses about a dead white guy.” We were talking about Shakespeare

Obsession isn’t scary until you’ve LIVED it…

My new underwear is gonna look so good once I finally fill them out

I might lose it the next time I hear someone make the “off pudding” joke

Arizona is honestly beast mode for not observing daylight savings that’s some woke nonsense

Honestly I think I’ve eaten way more lettuce and tomatoes since the diarrhea parasite was known to be a problem. I’m not scared

No, no, you’re right. I’m sorry for getting angry. My Claritin makes me prone to mood swings

TOMORROW