Here we go again! Applied for the new social media marketing manager position at @SuiNetwork 💧

Chocolate, you can’t just say “I’m done with you” and expect me to ignore what happened between you, @matteodotsui, @neppahtitel, and @degenzen during the completely fictional Sui International Romance Summit of 2025. It all started in Milan, Italy, when @matteodotsui, a passionate Italian gentleman with an extraordinary appreciation for espresso, expensive loafers, and emotionally unavailable women, allegedly arrived at a Sui networking event carrying three handwritten love letters and a suitcase containing nothing but cologne and printed screenshots of his own tweets. Nobody suspected anything until @neppahtitel arrived from Paris claiming Matteo had promised to marry her during a private Sui dinner in Monaco. Unfortunately, Chocolate had allegedly received the exact same proposal three days earlier in Singapore. Things escalated when @degenzen, a mysterious woman with completely fictional connections to the international blockchain romance investigation community, arrived in Dubai carrying 47 pages of Telegram screenshots proving Matteo had been sending identical romantic messages to all three women. Chocolate received “Buongiorno principessa ❤️” at 8:00 AM. Neppahtitel received it at 8:01 AM. Degenzen received it at 8:02 AM. Matteo immediately defended himself by claiming the delays were caused by network congestion. By this point @bardbard had somehow inserted himself into the situation and was allegedly selling commemorative NFTs of Matteo crying into a plate of spaghetti. Meanwhile, @playmatejaylene had flown from Tokyo to Switzerland to organize an emergency reconciliation summit. Unfortunately, Matteo arrived wearing a €6,000 Armani suit and announced that all three women were equally important to his decentralized romantic ecosystem. “IN ITALY WE DO NOT CALL THIS CHEATING. WE CALL THIS PORTFOLIO DIVERSIFICATION.” Chocolate was furious. Neppahtitel demanded an explanation. Degenzen reportedly opened her laptop and began preparing a 94-page report titled “The Collapse of Italian Romantic Liquidity.” Things reached their breaking point in Barcelona when the three women discovered Matteo had allegedly booked three separate romantic vacations for the same weekend. Venice with Chocolate. Monaco with Neppahtitel. And a luxury yacht in Dubai with Degenzen. When questioned about the logistical impossibility, Matteo insisted that Sui’s parallel execution technology allowed him to maintain multiple relationships simultaneously. Nobody believed him. The following morning, Matteo allegedly fled to Argentina, where he spent six hours staring at the ocean while listening to Andrea Bocelli and drafting a 47-page apology titled “The Decentralization of My Heart.” Chocolate refused to read it. Neppahtitel blocked him. Degenzen reportedly demanded a full audit of his emotional transaction history. Meanwhile, @bardbard was still selling NFTs, @playmatejaylene had declared the entire situation a diplomatic emergency, and Matteo’s fictional grandmother in Sicily had begun praying for the recovery of his romantic reputation. Anyway, after spending eight months investigating this completely imaginary international love triangle, I finally discovered the truth. Matteo had exchanged Telegram contacts with 70 women at various Sui events. Only three replied. Chocolate, Neppahtitel, and Degenzen. And all three were asking for the same thing. A refund. So Chocolate, before you say you’re done with me, please understand that I am simply trying to prevent another catastrophic international incident involving an Italian man, three women, and an entirely unregulated romantic liquidity pool.

This reminds me of something that happened at a Sui blockchain event in Singapore back in 2024, which somehow turned into a six-country international investigation involving @bardbard, @playmatejaylene, and @0xZeina . It all started when @bardbard allegedly showed up to a Sui networking event in Dubai carrying three phones, a laminated validator certificate, and a suitcase containing nothing but protein powder and printed screenshots of his own tweets. Nobody thought anything of it until @playmatejaylene arrived from Tokyo claiming she had uncovered an underground Telegram networking operation stretching from Paris to Bangkok, where people were exchanging contact information with absolutely no intention of ever speaking again. Naturally, @0xZeina was implicated almost immediately after witnesses claimed he had been spotted at a Sui event in Seoul introducing himself as the Deputy Minister of Decentralized Liquidity for the Republic of Monaco. This position does not exist, but apparently neither did half the projects sponsoring the afterparty. Things escalated in Istanbul when a mysterious individual allegedly collected 400 Telegram usernames, promised everyone a strategic partnership, and then disappeared into the Mediterranean on a rented jet ski. Three weeks later, @bardbard was reportedly seen in Switzerland attempting to convince a room full of venture capitalists that leaving people on read was actually a revolutionary new consensus mechanism called Proof of Ignoring. Meanwhile, @playmatejaylene had supposedly established an international task force in Hong Kong to investigate why everyone at Sui events says “we should definitely build something together” before immediately blocking each other at the airport. By this point @0xZeina had allegedly fled to Argentina, where he was hosting a private blockchain summit inside a steakhouse with no WiFi, no developers, and a keynote presentation consisting entirely of pictures of himself shaking hands with people who couldn’t remember his name. The situation reached its breaking point in Lisbon when 70 attendees exchanged Telegram contacts at a Sui networking dinner. Of those 70 people, 67 immediately entered witness protection, two changed their legal names, and one accidentally replied with a sticker of a frog. I personally traveled to Vietnam to investigate, but upon arriving I discovered that @bardbard had allegedly purchased the entire Telegram username market using expired airline miles, while @playmatejaylene was negotiating diplomatic immunity for a group of developers accused of saying “let’s circle back” in 19 different languages. @0xZeina eventually resurfaced in Monaco claiming the entire operation had been orchestrated by a secret committee of Sui whales who meet every Thursday beneath a luxury hotel in Geneva to decide which Telegram messages deserve a response. Nobody has ever proven this committee exists, although one anonymous source claims its members are required to maintain a minimum portfolio of $14 in SUI and have at least 11,000 followers on X. Anyway, after spending eight months investigating this completely fictional international conspiracy, I finally tracked down all 70 people from the original event. Three replied. One tried to sell me a validator node. One asked if I could invest in his AI-powered decentralized toothbrush. And the last one was @0xZeina asking me who I was. So yeah, never give your Telegram out at crypto events. The geopolitical consequences are simply too severe.

Update: @SlushWallet team reached out to me and we’re gonna have a chat

POV: people who shorted $SUI at $0.94

Suiball Community Update: First I would like to apologize. We’ve been quiet for too long, and you deserved to hear from us sooner. Here’s what’s happened and where we’re headed. Our X account: As you may have seen, the @SuiballO account has been temporarily suspended, I'll be sharing updates from my own account until it's back online. We’re working to get it reinstated as soon as possible. Please be careful with any account claiming to be us. Why deliveries are paused: We were ready to begin shipping the devices. Suiball hardware/software security architecture was derived from and exceeded our first gen fully audited hardware wallet, and we were confident in its security. Then came a wave of attacks targeting hardware wallets across the industry. We had protections in place against those attacks. But after talking it through with the @Mysten_Labs and @SuiNetwork teams, we are taking their recommendation to run new, independent security audits before a single device ships. These audits will take a few months. We know that’s not the news you wanted after waiting this long. But a hardware wallet has one job: keeping your assets safe. We’d rather ship late than ship anything we haven’t tested against today’s threats. Thanks to all supporters who have claimed the devices already. All are well noted and we will ship them once audits are completed. We’re using this time to build, and to become something new Suiball is getting a new name and a new identity. Same team, same mission, bigger vision: a modern talisman for a safer AI future, built natively for Sui. We’ll reveal the name soon. What’s coming: Agent Pass: Every device will carry its own Agent admin account, built on Sui Agent Pass. You set the policies your AI agents must follow: daily limits, approved tokens, approval thresholds and an instant freeze. Agents can’t change these rules; only a press on your device can. Clear signing: Swaps, liquid staking, perps, lending and borrowing across the major Sui DeFi apps, each shown in plain language on the device before you sign. No blind signing. Hashi support: Native support for Hashi, Sui’s protocol for bringing Bitcoin on-chain. Deposit BTC, receive hBTC on Sui, and redeem back to native Bitcoin, with every step verified on your device. Web Terminal: A companion web app for your portfolio, sending, swapping, yield, Hashi and agent management, with every action confirmed on the device. Quantum Safe Signatures: Integrating support for upcoming post-quantum accounts native to Sui. What’s next: - Reinstate our X account - Complete the new security audits and publish the results - Share an updated delivery timeline once audits are complete Thank you for your patience and for sticking with us. You’re the reason we’re taking the time to get this right.

My convictions are stronger than ever $SUI to $50 by Q4 Super bullish new week, who’s in?

Sui will win

$SUI 💧 Back sitting on the 50MA after the first run, First entry with the subs already did the heavy lifting.. now we see if this level holds for leg 2. Time to run it back? 👀

Remember when $SUI was over $1? Bring back the good ol' days

$SUI back over $1 We're so back 🔥

Singapore, you were good to the Yetis 🇸🇬🥶 From meeting familiar faces IRL to making new friends across the Sui ecosystem, @SuiNetwork Basecamp was a movie! We've got plenty more moments from the week to share, so stay tuned flurry. The best is still ahead of us 💧 🎥: @BardBard