had a terrible day. walked outside and saw a man get hit by a cab 5 feet from me. he decided w cabbie $100 and they were squared up, and walked away. i love new york. my day seems less terrible.
my dad just told my very english boyfriend, that he thinks (and “no offense to you Steve”) that “european soccer players are a bunch of pussies that wish they could be american football players”
my dads favorite “sport” is nascar, so his input on this is extremely valid
two of the best insults i’ve seen hurled on here in some time are “bed bug” and “rubber bath toy” just so simple and to the point
i had a friend pass away unexpectedly and a friend reached out to express her sorrow for my friend’s “spontaneous death” and... it was a laugh i needed about something awful and grief is pretty weird sometimes in that way
no autocorrect, i did not mean buffalo or huggable, what i meant was what i typed, which was juggalo
what they don’t tell you about flying first class is how absurd these people get when there’s a delay, which makes it TOTALLY WORTH IT
you know what’s truly unfair? being weighed at the gynecologist WITH YOUR CLOTHES AND SHOES ON. i was 5 pounds less when naked and i need my chart updated IMMEDIATELY
last night i ended up on a date with a man who was not only a flat earther, but also wasn’t “completely sure” about GRAVITY