I’m watching a golf tournament and this prescription cancer drug commercial came on. I decided to transcribe all the parts they hope you’ll ignore while an old actor bolsters his career enjoying a peaceful afternoon with two child actors: - Can cause your immune system to harm healthy parts of your body - These problems can be severe and lead to death See your doctor immediately if you have any of the following: - Cough - Chest pains - Shortness of breath - Irregular heartbeat - Diarrhea - Constipation - Severe stomach pain - Severe nausea - Vomiting - Dizziness - Fainting - Eye problems - Extreme tiredness - Changes in appetite - Thirst - Changes in urine - Rash - Itching - Confusion - Memory problems - Muscle pain or weakness - Joint pain - Flushing - Fever “These aren’t all the possible side effects.” On the upside, your cancer may not kill you. On the downside, that will probably be because this poison killed you first. Reminder that the U.S. and New Zealand are the only counties in the world that permit direct-to-consumer prescription drug advertising. We’re all desensitized to it now but it’s fucking evil and it needs to stop. God forbid I ever fall ill and walk into a specialist’s office and say “Hey, Doc, give me the drug the old guy was taking between Hideki Matsuyama birdies.” Best commercial ever for chemotherapy.