I’ve convinced myself so many times that the shadows in my house are not murderers that if a murderer actually broke into my house, they would have 10 or 20 minutes to wander around while I convince myself that the murderer in the corner with a knife is just a shadow
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*Struggling through a 20-minute drive home hungover AF after an excessive weekend of partying*
Me: God gives me his toughest battles because I am his strongest soldier ✨
2
30
DMB: Friends, lovers, or nothing
Me: I feel like this is a lot of options and I'm having a hard time deciding
I need to stop getting distracted by my phone before bed. I just tried to open Instagram, accidentally opened Google maps and stared at it for 12 seconds before realizing I made a mistake
1
This morning a woman asked me what highlighter I use and I had to tell her it's just sweat from running to the BART station because I was late because I didn't want to wake up because I hate my life. There were no followup questions.
1
Sometimes I feel like falling down the stairs and then laying on the floor in a jumble while crying halp
I love when you finish the jar of peanut butter at the same time you finish your bagels, even if you have to use half a jar of peanut butter on each bagel slice
I was eating cake so fervently today I poked myself with a plastic fork now my lip is bleeding. I wish my mom was here to see me thriving
*Me to dog on the street* I'm not saying your fashion sense is wrong, but a rainy day calls for a raincoat, George. Not a Canadian tuxedo.
Currently eating a blueberry muffin while sipping Perrier from a wine glass while sitting in bed scrolling insta #extrasaywhat
3
#trump #civility #moms “All else having failed, maybe we should try civility” by Laura Dockery medium.com/raging-civility/a…
When I cry I just watch videos of puppies' first howls and then I cry more #why #thisismylifenow
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#Responsibility is making sure you wear red when you're eating spaghetti #carbs #noodlesarelife #adulting
