€helsea Ann

When your wifi connects to the bar when you are walking up. #prodrunk

Roommate: get up! I need you! Me: what's goin on? Roommate: nothing. I just want company.

My cat just walked in my bedroom. Looked at me. Rolled his goddamn eyes. And walked out. #newlow

I hate when my roommates bf spends the night. Idgaf about hearing them have sex. I just hate having to wear pants in my own place.

Idk what's more painful. My cat refusing to cuddle me or the fact that he nearly ripped out my nipple ring trying to get away from me.

It has to take 30 seconds or less because then it's going in my mouth. #lifegoals

I love when guys say the sweetest things like "stop texting me" and "I'm getting a restraining order". I'm so lucky. 😍❤

I feel like my life is being written by George Straight and Luke Bryan. #countrygirl

Someone asked me if I keep darkening my hair so it matches my soul. No motherfucker if I wanted it to match my soul I would be bald.

Bought candy for #ICD10 stress eating tomorrow at work. Already started to eat the candy. #itsnottomorrow

Guys post photos of things they are proud of... motorcycles trucks. Girls should post photos of what they are proud of... clothes and makeup

Put my ass on a platter and you could feed a family of five.

I'm pretty sure that it's in the #datingrulebook that you have to hate your significant other when you first move in with each other.

If I see he opened that snapchat before he texts me back... Oh no. #boybetterpray

All the white girls are gonna start rejoicing. #walmart has pumpkins. 🎃

It isn't a #familyevent if someone doesn't leave pissed.

Cook: Be nice to him! He's a nice guy! Me: don't get me started with you motherfucker! I'm the #asshole that you all work with #serverlife

My parents washer and dryer sing this really annoying song for a full minute when your clothes are done. #IGetIt #IlldoSomeLaundry #damnhoe