paul emm

I eat my corn dogs with a fork and knife

ignorance is fist

follow my cat instagram.com/quillsifer

Malapropisms give me a massive election.

I cut my testicle bag shaving and had to wear a maxi pad before I went out. It was actually quite comfortable, like a pillow for my balls.

I can tie a tie, but I can also tie a Ty in a tie tying competition.

when it comes to sleep i need 8 hours a day. and another 8 at night.

even daffodils have bad hair days

Polysyllabic is my favorite polysyllabic word.

even demons still get punished

“Brace yourself!” - Orthodontist who’s sick and tired of his job.

Once I stick my penis in you, you’re fucked.

I turn Kleenex into moist towelettes.

Taking a piss in a urinal with sandals on.

i was told to be clean shaven before a job interview. this guy didn’t even attempt to look at my dick.

do you believe in life after cunt?

praise jesus christ for the ability to sin

CHILF - Crack Head I'd Like to Fuck

Whenever I write the word “penis” I dot the i with a smaller penis.

I wonder if trees gossip about each other, and if they do, who’s the most poplar?

A true broski will always hold back his bros man bun when he's puking in the toilet.