7 year old you controls the drawbridge

a good partner takes away the need to impress anyone, and that frees you to go chase the stuff youd normally be too embarrassed to try. no more cringe tax. the doubt and anxiety go away and you get unrelenting support from someone you care about. creative stuff, business, what you wear, any dying dream. who cares whos checking you out (or judging you) when you already have your person. who cares what your friends think when you have someone who will ride with you to the end of the earth. you stop caring what anyone thinks. except them. and if theyre the right one, theyll be there for you no matter what. infinite confidence glitch.

for the first 40% of our 12 mile hike I was basically speedrunning to the top. heartrate 150, legs churning, brain focused soley on not blowing out an ankle. realized somewhere in there that in an effort to conquer the hill, I was so focused on getting to the top, that i wasnt at all paying attention to the changing foliage, wildlife, or the views. I was missing the memory. this is quite synonymous with the rest of my life. im always trying to speed run everything, never taking any time to smell the roses. its a rush to the top. point a to point b. next next next. up up up. never stopping or taking a second to stop at the overlook. I let myself slow. smelled the sap of the pine trees, laughed at the little squirrels, and enjoyed the company of my group. this was the exact second that the hike became enjoyable. did i get to the top alower? yep. but in the end, isnt finishing the hike when the hike gets boring? note to self.

if you ever feel sad go into the wilderness for 2 days with no service. youll realize almost all of your problems are fake. happiness comes quite easily.

GENETICS GENETICS!!! no. well, yes, but only 50%. what most lolligaggers fail to understand is that their children are not a product of what they TELL them to do, but are instead of a product of what their children SEE THEM DO. little kids do not learn by being told. if you want youre children to be fit, then for heavens sake, be fit. if you want your kids to read books then create a freaking hogwarts style library in your home. your habits are their habits. i dont have kids but it doesnt take a rocket scientists to know that kids dont want to be told what to do or how to behave. they simply behave as a result of the world they spawn into. they are not forward thinking or really thinking at all. they just exist. as a parent it is your responsibility to create that world. blaming genetics (even if they are shit) is just pushing your kid into the pool without floaties. take some accountability, even if youre playing from behind, because theyre your kids and you brought them into the world and they look up to you.

BAN GYM MUSIC. everyones listening to there own shit anyway. maybe im fragile but its infuriating to have to listen to doja cat slop when you dont want to. anyway. almost back to running. been spamming walk run for 10 minutes (as per my physical therapist). finally handling this nagging hip injury feels incredible but was so hard to lay down the ego for a few months and handle it. turns out I had weak glutes (still not buying it). turn right do left ya know? happy friday gang.

please, allow me to explain (very simply) why OVERSPENDING is good sometimes (using AI example of course, because now even my mother uses it) grok bot subscription at $30/month was not enough. absolutely slaughtered my usage limit. naturally, being the moron that I am, I immediately upgraded to $100/month sub. now, im not even close to hitting 100% before reset. I am now forced to learn how to use master chief (my gigachad grokbot leader) to do things that WILL max my usage. forced to fill the shoes and make it worth it. or forced to give it up. only options. same thing happens with buying a house thats slightly out of your budget or a car you dont need (lets be honest none of these things matter). sink or swim sort of deal (be responsible guys).

treat doing NOTHING like an activity. INSANE mindset shift. goes from something thats boring to a staple in the day. brain stops going zing zing zing and can downlaod all the nonsense youre trying to upload. spinning wheel finally gets a break. creativity booms, problems get solved, nervous system relaxes. terrible for like 7 minutes (dont know why 7) but after that its absolutely wonderful. pair it with a walk or some other autopilot task, like driving familiar roads in silence and holy shit your on youre way to solving world hunger.

black ops, halo, and little league sports. thats what I feel. its crazy to me how you can look at a series of images and feel such a crushing wave of nostalgia. feel yourself in these moments. SWAT! SLAYER! can hear these songs and play the life movie in your head. little snippets of days where you didnt think of the future. the 5 senses uncaged. this is why music is awesome, because it so effortlessly anchors moments in time. nothing else quite like it.

for fucks sake mate, if you work from home, do literally anything other than go on your phone while your on calls. literally anything else is better. pace. stare at clouds. massage gun your ass. spam grippers. fold laundry. do the dishes. meal prep. vaccum. ANYTHING ELSE >>>>>>>> phone doomscroll spam zap spell brain. this is not only how you revitalize your attention span and fix baseline dopamine, but how you get better at work too. most people are multi tasking doing things (chekcing phone) that take too much attention away. but multitasking on the right thing (pacing for example) is actually pro-pay attention. pro-productivity. pro-creativity. flowwww beans.

wrote this essay almost 2 years ago. crazy to see how much my writing has evolved. was such a noob. solid message though. stop treating others like they should be a formula one car when you yourself are a civic.

judgement of others is just a manifestation of your own insecurities

perhaps its because these people protect every day like some forbidden treasure trove that might one day crack open if they stare long enough. they just sit there and look at it and wonder when the loot box will burst never actually making an attempt to unlock it. they set up shop waiting for mr increidble to do something and he never does. its that fear of not ever finding out what the care package contains that makes them cling onto life harder. perhaps its because the people who fear death the most have the most gas left in the tank, and their terrified of dying not ever having seen what the beast is capable of turning into.

why is it that the people who fear death the most are usually the ones living the least?

money means everything on monday and on tuesday i couldnt care less. one week im moving across the country and the next my hometown sounds nice. desires on a revolving door. interests changing overnight. not sure if my beliefs are my own. a civil war inside my head. do other people feel this? overwhelm. stimulation. looking into the nether for answers that end up only raising more questions. adding more layers to the maze. are my wants mine? snowbirds moving south but i hate the heat. dressing designer but the pants are uncomfortable. every single idea i let in that isnt mine stoking the fire. anxiety fodder. kindling on a flame typhoon. useless. only in the silence do i see my own handwriting. its unmistakable.

is buying $SPCX in 2026 what buying apple felt like in 2007? never been more optimisic about the future. im pilled regardless. to the moon we go. haha witewawwy.

to all the headcases out there with type a schizo brains, read this and then read it again. not really about tennis. required reading.

ive had a number of nagging running injuries over the years, all of which Ive worked through while continuing to run. only when an injury is acute do I rest and assess. here are 5 things I do that have helped me tremendously to stay in the game: 1. slow down, drop mileage. Ideally back to the speed and volume where I was running pain free. 2. most of the time when I have pain, in an achilles, a glute, or a knee, its signaling weakness in the area or the surrounding musculature. Strengthen it. Load the area. 3. eat more, eat right. Running a lot and eating enough is hard. Eating a lot of the right things is even harder. At some point you just need to get the calories in. Take with that what you will. 4. red light, sauna, cold plunge, foam rolling, supplements/collagen and other random recovery modalities. Spam them. 5. running a little bit is better than not running at all. Drop your ego. Better to take today off and run tomorrow than get hurt today and be out a month. Trust me. This takes more discipline than the previous 4 rules. durability is absolutely everything. remember this.