@deacon_smith

I tweet while the voices in my head are playing poker. https://xitter.cf/t.co/fi3Ez1SUBe

 North Carolina
xitter.cf/search?vertical=default&q=%40deacon_smith
Joined April 2013
  • Tweets13.4K
  • Following1.6K
  • Followers1.4K
176Media
I'm at my most Yosemite Sam when I'm a ginger midget gunslinger with a speech impediment and anger issues - but in a good way.
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I tell dad jokes, huge fan of carbs, I overly love old TV sitcoms, huge NHL groupie, my fav movie is Big, I’ve had big tits since 5th grade, & according to an Instagram stalker, my ass is “too big for a white girl” Binge eat & chill? – at Manhattan, NY
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Met my soon to be ex wife the same year as two girls, one cup was released Coincidence, I think not
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cara@mamapojo15 Jan 2019
Holy fuck, I’m going to be 50 in a month. Wtf is happening!?!?
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Whatever_Amy
@Whatevah_Amy15 Jan 2019
Eating a salad at your desk is the only thing more depressing than work itself.
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Whatever_Amy
@Whatevah_Amy15 Jan 2019
Take your time, pedestrians We're not dreaming of mowing you down at all.
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Turd Furgusson@furgusson_turd9 Jan 2019
Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi train wreck of a news conference did create some pretty good memes last night. – at Portage, MI
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My balls itching is my Spidey sense.
Wife: Why does 15 only put one sock in the dirty clothes? Me: Yeah, you may want to wash that one by itself, on hot.... with bleach
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Smokey McButternuts retweeted
Whatever_Amy
@Whatevah_Amy8 Jan 2019
Tangled ear bods are the new Rubik’s cube.
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Maggie@MaggieS1764164123 Aug 2018
I always hope he is Vince but dammit I get Owen everytime – at Kentucky, USA
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Peyton@delome1016 Dec 2018
Girls be crying over a dude who reads at a 3rd grade reading level. He’s not ignoring your text, he’s sounding it out. Give him a second.
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BadMummy@WineMummy1 Jan 2019
No one kissed my nipples at midnight and now I'm pissed.
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I bet that guy is realizing flip flops were a horrible idea for this bar bathroom on NYE.
Smokey McButternuts retweeted
smell my feet@drinkingbeerman1 Jan 2019
Friendly Reminder Your Rent Is Due Tomorrow
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Frank Ojeda@UCLADodgerFrank1 Jan 2019
So if you happened to be on the toilet at the stroke of midnight, do you tell your friends you took a 2 year long crap? #HappyNewYear
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Whatever_Amy
@Whatevah_Amy31 Dec 2018
There’s a lid for every pot. Except in my house where there’s one whore lid that rotates to all the pots.
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