You should be embarrassed to be a Christian as a white man "Well, we worship a Jew for sure to begin with" "Now, why would I believe that Jesus, a first century Jew, is more than a man? Because 3 days after he died on the cross, he physically bodily rose from the dead and over a period of 40 days, he appeared to over 500 people who saw him risen from the dead according to a very fine Jewish man who was a ra was a Pharisee named Saul of Tarsus who became the Apostle Paul" "So, we're talking about a very Jewish faith. And therefore, anti-semitism in the name of Christianity is a total contradiction. It's hypocrisy. As a follow of Christ, I worship a Jew" "It's an extraordinary miracle that a Jewish man was able to um, you know, become the center of uh, the entire European civilization. You go to Europe, you go to every single city. In the center is the biggest cathedral, the biggest church, and inside is a a a crucified Jewish man, you know, on a cross"

💜From the age of 9 I learned what Sex was like.. not by choice. I am survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. 💜I was a child sex worker in a broken home in a very impoverished country, struggling to get by and sometimes even offering my body for a meal. 💜Some of my clients would be extremely abusive leaving scars on my body I still glance and wince at to this day as the memories torment me. Some even were twisted enough to lace drugs into my food, and abuse me for days on end without rest.. among a multitude of seemingly Insatiable teenagers much older than me with a never-ending hunger for pleasure, crazy hormones, and a lack of empathy. No begging and crying would ever make them stop, so your mind breaks and you learn to accept and love the overwhelming pleasure to the degree that a frail child would begin to crave the pleasure and often do incredibly dumb things to either chase the drugs or the pleasure... 💜I hated this about myself and it's what drove me into attempting taking my life several times as a teenager, and becoming Transgender (FtM) only made my hormone issues worse. 💜To this day I suffer from these insatiable urges of lust, its a problem there is no fix for and I am seemingly trapped often in a depressing cycle of prayer, holding off and staving the crazed sexual urges.. eventually falling into a crazed state that often starts in my sleep and waking up to a depressing overwhelming guilt of what ive done in the morning as I feel like ive failed my Savior once again.. soaked in my own filth and shame.. 💜Its extremely hard to also be in public, as the urges are so powerful sometimes even the slightest arousal will send me into a spiral where I enter into a very deep depressive state post release. I cant even stare at people in the eyes as it sets me off, Ive lived in a perpetual state of torment. 💜No medical treatment has worked to date and it has defied the knowledge of many experts in the medicine field. 💜Living without knowing what Severe Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (SCSBD) was a nightmare.. not recognizing that what I had was a mental disorder always made me feel like I was some kind of irredeemable whore. My diagnosis opened my doors to treatment and therapy. (The Therapy has helped a bit) 💜Ive made many changes to my life, I avoid pornography or anything lewd like the plague. Ive limited my language, my communication, and also taken steps to avoid falling into the same old traps where the smallest conversations with people would have led me into having sex with them(either virtual or real life). 💜I learned to find comfort in streaming, when the camera was on and the audience was there I felt like I was being cared for and loved. My urges would stop mostly as I wanted to be a good example to others. 💜Ive learned to set boundaries, and the incidence has greatly reduced overtime and ive become noticiably happier and have grown in my faith with Christ ... but ive noticed something. 💜Many people whom used to be close to me before suddenly lost interest, and seemingly didn't want to even interact with me. Once i removed the horny out of the equation some people changed. I was met with hostility even, and some even approached me with questions such as "I owed them" or "When will you be dating someone?" some even.. "I have always liked you." 💜This was upsetting. Made me feel like my only redeemable quality was my meat holes.. I was so disgusted I cried. 💜That was not the community I wanted to build.. I want to walk with Christ and become more like him. I dont want to be burdened by these hellish urges! 💜So.. I deleted the discord server.. I hope you understand I want to start new, I want to build a safer space for people to debate theology, spam memes, and catch a glimpse at my horrific cooking. 💜I plan to rebuild everything but it will take time, I want you to understand that I am not well, never have been.. 💜But I care, and I love you so much as it is you who joins on the streams and cheers me on, no matter how hard my day was.. you always managed to wrench a smile out of me. For that I am grateful. Thank you. Thank you.. I cant say it enough, for giving me a purpose, however small it is. Making you smile is the sole driving force that has encouraged me to continue before meeting Jesus. 💜I wanted to share perspective and let you know I am not abandoning you. Everything will be alright in time. 😊