"British comedy at its best." "Flawless." "The greatest story ever told." These are just some of the kind words I considered when writing my own jacket blurb.

Did I say that?

Free Beer Forever

Set goals more effectively by making sure they're: Achievable - Can you do it? Realistic - Can anyone do it? Specific - What the hell is it? Easy - Because nobody likes a failure. Keep your ARSE in mind at all times and the rest will take care of itself. #toptips

🤣

Not yet. Have you read my book?

Moneh.

I've attracted about 50 new bikini bot followers in the last couple of weeks or so. Weren't bots being cleansed from the system about now? If not, then could @elonmusk please force each bot to buy at least one copy of my book?

Embarking on my first read of the Wheel of Time series. Wish me luck. #WoT #wotfirsttimer

In the grand tradition of Kan Ye? West and Will I? Am, I will now start referring to myself as Did He? Eldish.

A white rabbit on the left. A skull on the right.

UK political parties operate on the same basis as MLM companies in the 1980s. Those at the top profit from the trust given by those below. Remember, kids, these politicians are not your friends. They're just the ones in charge of the prison island you call home. #ToryCorruption

Cherry.

That kind of love will last you both an eternity, mate.

You're being deliberatelee provocateev, I theenk.

"Roar!" (That was one of the dinosaurs, if I recall.)

Mark looked up and opened his mouth to respond, but no words came. It was as if his larynx had been silently extracted without his knowledge. Ironically, he was going to say, "Yes. Pretty much."

Hahaha. You got me.