@elle91

Writer, animal foster person, 69 inches tall. If you let me write for your thing, I'll kiss you right on the head. IG/the.yael

 Chicago, IL
amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/20YFX8F9OCNVY?ref_=wl_share
Joined December 2008
  • Tweets74K
  • Following296
  • Followers21.4K
IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND ASKS IF YOU WOULD STILL LOVE HER IF SHE WAS A WORM, JUST SAY YES. SHE WILL NEVER BE A WORM. YOU WILL NEVER ACTUALLY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT. BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE GIRLFRIEND WHO THINKS YOU WOULDN'T LOVE HER IF SHE WAS A WORM AND SHE IS MAD
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Me: will I find a wife Fortune teller: no Me: u didnt do the thing with the cards Fortune teller [flips one card, maintains eye contact]: no
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A Hooters, but for ass men. Call it Tooters
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Me: "Don't you dare" sounds perfectly normal but "do not you dare" sounds ridiculous which is insane because "don't" is a contraction for "do not." Doctor: I meant is anything bothering you physically
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Probably unrelated but the guy at the gym watching fox news on the elliptical has his shirt on inside out
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🫠
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This is your doomscrolling break. Umber thinks you can actually just stop scrolling for now if it's just bringing you stress. Take a deep breath. Read a book. Text someone you love. Scream at the sky. Punch an invasive plant. It's going to be OK
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Was he single tho
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There seems to be some confusion, so let me clear things up. If facing real consequences for a horrific thing you did could ruin your life, then yes, I do think you deserve to have your life ruined. Hope this helps
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Urgent: volume up
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Umber 1 day after being abandoned vs 5 days of being loved
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Watch my solo orphan babe settle when I pretend I'm cleaning him like his mom would 🥹
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Anyway, if you want to help support this guy and future fosters, supply wish list in bio 🖤
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when the restaurant staff sings happy birthday at me
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Shoutout to the Airpods noise canceling function that didn't snitch to my boss when she called me at 1:00 pm on a Tuesday and I was at Costco
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"Kids who read more have better vocabularies" OK well I loved reading as a kid, but once in high school I pronounced "banal" like "anal" in front of my entire English class because I'd never heard anyone say it out loud before so maybe basic vocabulary is actually fine
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Pancake walked in on me laying with the dog on the couch where we usually cuddle
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I'm just a girl standing in front of a mirror looking for the FUCKING HAIR THAT'S TOUCHING MY FACE WHERE IS IT
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Just took a walk without my headphones and holy shit, you guys know about birds? Rad stuff
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Ꮍᴀᴇʟ retweeted
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ@elle9131 Jul 2025
In high school, I was complaining about how long the school day was and my teacher turned to me and said, "the days are long, but the years are short" and I was like "what the fuck are you talking about you lunatic" and then the bell rang and now I'm in my 30s.
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I love surprises as long as I have a general idea of what's involved, where and when it'll happen, who will be there, and how long it'll last
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