Faye

How has this not caught on yet?

How @thameswater can you turn off a streets water “for a few hours” without any notice?? Surely you have emails and phone numbers for everyone that’ll be affected. I have a newborn which requires running water around the clock, this is totally irresponsible of you!

Erm why is the government spending our tax dollars on sex surveys no one asked for??

The only thing I’m manifesting in 2023 is a dedicated line of air fryer food from M&S

When someone annoys me, I archive them on WhatsApp. I will still go in there to reply to messages but I like that they’re in jail and they don’t even know it

Do you add things to your joint Amazon basket just for the reaction or are you in an adult relationship?

It’s not ‘twixmas’ or ‘betwixmas’, it’s the festive gooch

We don’t give a fuck what you think you crinkly old man

Every time I open a bar of Tony’s Chocolonely, I feel like Charlie pre chocolate factory

Would anyone buy my cook book, “Pregnant Lady Crack”?

Probs quicker and less annoying to get an update from all those who aren’t going to glasto

You know it’s bad when the Americans at work are sending you memes about English politics

When you cut all your nails off and suddenly you’re King Charles (sovereign not dog) #sausagefingers

Omg

My life is now in turmoil thanks to Sainsburys and the person who invented quadruple strength squash

My dog thinks I’m lying to him. 8:45pm, we can’t go for a walk because it’s still 32 degrees. 8:55pm, we can’t go for a walk because it’s raining.