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your only goal as a writer should be to give whoever directs the movie adaptation a really, really hard time (by never describing the creature)

horror writer? scare your reader from PAGE ONE by dedicating the book to their full name, home address and phone number

make your plot feel FRESH and NEW by having each character pull a WET, living fish from their pocket every chapter

love your characters

to start a book, you just gotta write! to continue the book, just keep writing! to finish the book, you gotta do a whole lotta other stuff but you'll cross that bridge when you get to it

comp titles are used for showing agents which authors you think you could beat in a fight

solve the literacy crisis by writing a book that doesn't have any metaphors or allusions or themes or concepts or ideas or even words and is actually just a picture of a tree and then a picture of a smiley face

it's okay to objectify your characters! and by that of course i mean it's okay to crush them into little cubes

uhhhh no the best way to pitch your novel is. so. uh the best.. pitch is... 120 metres long with loads of people running around on it chasing after a ball... so do that but a novel. yeah

no haha just kidding. the real best way to pitch your book is to find flat, dry ground, face away from prevailing wind, snap the poles togethe

the best way to pitch your book is to check your grip, assume a balanced stance, and as you throw, release the book when it's directly in front of your shoulder

have you considered, like, writing a book that's good?

get everyone mad at you

use an ai image as a cover if you want everyone to know you're just a godawful writer

fantasy is when there's swords, sci-fi is when there's lasers, speculative fiction is when there's speculoos

everyone's accusing everything of being ai these days, so you may as well keep those em dashes

NEVER start a sentence with 'but'! readers will think you meant BUTT and get very disappointed when the sentence isn't about your protagonist's arse!!

i don't understand why characters always smell things in books. i never smell things. and yes i may have tested positive for covid but

if you're writing horror, don't forget to explicitly spell out over and over again that the scary creature is a metaphor for the protagonist's mental state. readers will never work this out for themselves otherwise

nothing gets people like a jumpscare, so have your characters literally leap out of your book towards them