Grenville 🐓

The worst year of my life just continues to get worse. I don’t even know what to do anymore at this point and I feel like an absolute failure as a man and as a father. I’ve applied to hundreds of jobs over the last 6 months, everything from legitimate dream jobs to stuff as down bad as school bus driver, school lunch server, dog walker and all sorts of other entry level stuff that you barely need a pulse to qualify for. I haven’t had an actual interview in almost a month now and have had a total of 13 interviews since April. I thought I was hired to be a school bus driver and went through the initial training only to be told that there was no spot available and that being an on call substitute was the only option at this point. I’ve been trying to grind the photography business to help the ends meet but I can’t book a shit right now to save my life. I just got paid on Wednesday and already my account is nearly overdrawn after paying the cell phone and car insurance and getting probably not even a week’s worth of gas and groceries. We just learned that our Stella dog is dying from lymphoma and even if we could afford the treatment she’s likely too far gone for it to make a difference. My son’s soccer team just announced a few weeks ago that they’re doing another out of state tournament over the thanksgiving weekend, so that’s another $1400 I need to figure out. Every single day is another kick in the nuts. I sold off most of my camera equipment about a week ago to help cover the past due water and power bill. I borrowed money from Knobs to cover the last $500 of October’s rent. I’m running out of things of value to pawn or sell. Most days I don’t even really eat regular meals anymore unless I’m working that night and I can make a pizza or something there for free. Even then I feel fucking sick afterwards from the stress of it all. The good news is that busy season is finally here at work so I’ll be back to working full time hours again soon but that won’t really kick in until my first check in November. Even then I’m going to need to pick up a part time job on top to keep up with everything. It is what it is but I feel like I’m trying to tread water with a weight vest on and I’m on the verge of slipping underwater and not coming back up. I’m not going to stop applying for jobs. Something is eventually going to break my way and I’ll find the second job I need that can fit within my availability or I’ll finally get a proper paying full time job. Something will work out. It has to. I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to make it through til the end of the month right now and even writing another post like this again makes me sick to my stomach. But I don’t know what else to do tbh and my options are basically zero at this point. I’m sorry. I love you. It won’t be like this for much longer. If you can and care I will be forever grateful if you can toss a few bucks my way. If you can’t, I get it and surely know that I’m not the only one going through it rn. 0xf5ffB26AFBdb4a16f0812908c7863677174DE5fe