Lady Spudgun 'M👀' CrabbéBellé (SPOOKY)

Advert: "Weetabix has made a proper breakfast you can drink" Me: So have Jacob's Creek.

Overslept lads.

We are watching a Star Wars. Every one is old or CGI. It's got Marilyn Manson Skywalker Solo in it. He's quite cross. More as it happens.

Why are the thick cunts letting off fireworks on Halloween? (Rhetorical)

Please pray to the kiln gods... #MooDoesAPottery

Himself just gave me a bowl of crisps and mini babybel because I'm going to pottery at 5 and he knows I'll get hangry 😂😂 Find yourself a partner who fully understands and respects your need for snacky snacks.

Perimenopause is great for if you want to cry when a cat comes on your garden but it doesn't want you to pet it. And for when you're at the shops and see the most perfect shaped pumpkin.

Joanne now realising what an utterly thick twat she is. #CelebrityTraitors #Uncloaked

So Kenny and Maya both slip up in front of everyone and no one clocks it 😂😂 #CelebrityTraitors

MUuuaRrrrderrrrr #CelebrityTraitors

My new seasonal stripper name just dropped...

Has anyone tried one of those Japanese head spa things? I really like the look of them but I'm worried I'll make sex noises.

BIG fan of both gherkins and marmalade. Looking forward to a comfortable retirement using the money saved on my weekly shopping 🤞🏻

The whole of the UK when they chose all three traitors as the most trusted... #CelebrityTraitors

Getting utterly rogered here on the Costa Del Moo, lads. Side gate has come down, trellis made a break for it and the garden is covered in branches. #StormAusten

They'll find Ross in five years, he'll have constructed an elaborate tunnel system under the castle and will be refusing to acknowledge that the game is over. #CelebrityTraitors

Lashed down our flighty bits in preparation for storms anus and boobflap. #WindyBeef

Just got out centre court tickets for Wimbledon!!

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR SAFETY STROP TODAY?

First down to breakfast, lads...

Cornish sunrise from our balcony 🥰