aving kids is great cuz there’s always extra kid versions of shit…. But then you come to realize you’re scrubbing your body with Batman’s strawberry blaster body wash when you run out of your adult soap. Batman doesn’t make a good body wash friends. #parenting #showering

My co worker who is habitually late like 10-15 minutes was here before me today Mentioned she was here early she said “Ya don’t you know we have to show up on time now or we get in trouble” Like it was some new information on how jobs work….. #working

Soon.

In the past 24 hours I’ve been told “Your the least likely in our family to get lice” And “You should be this character from X show cuz you’re so big” Kids have the nicest ways of calling you a bald fatty. #parenting #vacationweek #joelthoughts

Being a parent is wild cuz you’ll spend a whole Sunday convincing kids that the bop “like a g6” is “like a cheese stick” so they will accept you and will have the “dance party of their dreams” #parenting #likeacheesestick

Play the song Play the song @OrlandoMagic

This morning a t work, a client came in a stereotypical wolf shirt, but the wolf had clown makeup on. And I can’t figure if there was deeper meaning, of like alpha males are a joke? Or we just like clowns so much that even in wolf form they’re cool. #joelthoughts

At the airport waiting for my flight “Hey you bought a beer you can get a shot for half price” I mean alright I guess, even airport laws are built different here. #onlyinvegas

Olivia tonight at the dinner table “There’s too much pepper on these noodles they’re too spicy!” Olivia at the international grocer earlier *takes a spicy tempura shrimp chip from a worker* “Wow these are delicious dad!” Make it make sense. #parentlife #daddaughter

Won a small skirmish but I have a mat and a buy now for Vegas. #RiftboundTCG #yasuo

I can’t fuck around world sucks too much already

Hope your week is going well friends, I had someone ask me why there name was spelled wrong on the pin pad, at least it did start with M. #thedumbesttimeline

Oldest child “how old was terry when he died?” Me - “terry who, you dont have a terry relative” Oldest “ you know terry fox,… duh” Didn’t know we on the first name basis with old terry #childlife #parenting

Hey @TSN_Sports you’re aware Kevin Durant was traded in the offseason? Cuz your preview of tonight’s game says otherwise

Waiting for your 4 year old to put on a full face of mascara, eyeshadow and lipstick to go for slushies is peak parenthood this evening. Can’t be caught lacking even at the 7/11. #daddaughterdays #joelthoughts

Is it legal to drink inside the on route? I’ve seen two dads now cracking beers with their overpriced food. Seems wild to allow at a legit rest stop where the purpose is to get food and drive after. #joelasks

Finally got to the non verbal stage with my new barber. Just sit down and let him go. A regular now. #blessed

Three ballparks three days. Aging gracefully