Steel Pipe

Missing my foreskin a little extra tonight

Vaguely remember dropping my hat in the toilet last night

Sully steamer I am sorry for projectile vomiting inside of you

Not only am I hungover, but also hungunder

I am having trouble locating my underpants

Foid tried to kiss me at 7 am #iamnotdrunkanymoregetthefuckawayfromme

Finally scratched the itch. The itch just happened to be 2 inches inside of a freshman

Just busted while putting on the condom

How it feels to manage a fantasy team, a hinge account, and a burner at the same time

Random thought: whipper snapper

It’s the brand new ストロベリー＆スイカ. 355 ml. Strawberry and watermelon.

Is an angel shot some sort of Halloween trend or something? All the girls I talked to at the bar ordered one

Rest in peace to the victims of 9/11

Correct me if I’m wrong but a chicken nugget and a chicken tender are not the same thing

Tight Ends shouldn’t wear single digit numbers man. It’s downright soft. Imagine Rob Gronkowski wearing number 2? Tell you who looked good in number 2 was Derek Jeter. That was a cool guy man

Call me Genghis Khan. I’m populating.

I can’t stop eating apples they’re gonna call me the apple man

When I come to the plate, I’m in scoring position

Any ball knowers on here? #hangovercure