Jordan

The amount of respect you command is a direct byproduct of how high functioning you are, for high stress tolerance commands respect where low stress tolerance undermines it. In simple terms: if you can outwardly handle stress with greater composure than others, you will naturally command more respect than they do. Respect thus accrues not as a conscious decision, but as an instinctive response to your conduct. People will subconsciously evaluate your competence, placing you into one of two categories: asset or liability. If you are consistently steady under pressure and difficult to unsettle, you are deemed an operational asset, but if you collapse emotionally, offend easily, or routinely punish others for telling hard or sensitive truths, you will flag as a liability. Respect and authority flows to those who are deemed assets. Would you want a leader with poor stress tolerance who is prone to outbursts, collapse or destabilisation? Of course not. That would unsettle you. You would prefer someone who remains poised under pressure, because you would feel safer with someone with an exceptional capacity to metabolise stress even beyond what is objectively healthy or humane. Leadership as such gravitates to those who are able to bear more than their fair share of stress, not to those who impose their emotional turbulence on to others the very moment they are subjected to it. You seek someone unnaturally strong, who is capable of carrying not just their own burdens, but likewise yours. But you are neither unique or alone in holding that preference, for it is the underlying mechanism which determines how people intuitively designate leaders. To desire authority over others whilst being a source of emotional turbulence is thus not just naive, but incredibly immature. Authority necessarily then gravitates to those who serve the most stabilising function, because when it is given to the incapable, it results in dysfunction and tyranny. High functioning individuals inspire trust, because they manage destabilising, urgent, or sensitive information without unravelling. Low functioning individuals erode trust, because they amplify chaos, crumble under pressure, and turn urgent or sensitive matters into liabilities, thereby imposing burdens which others are forced to carry in their place. This is why if you want a relationship built on full and clear mutual transparency, you must be able to bear the costs of what you ask for. Both sides must be capable of absorbing shocks, disappointments, conflicts, and unpleasant truths without collapsing into hysteria or destructive anarchy. Respect simply is not owed, but earned. You are not entitled to what you have not proven you can endure, for it is the weight you are unable to carry that will define the limits of what others can trust you with.