.@WeWantPlates some of the best bacon I've ever eaten but I don't need it on a clothesline.

What if Trump is actually fine but wants to seem like he recovered from a more serious version. He asked the docs to lie but they won't so they said he's doing well. But his Chief of staff doesn't mind lying

2/7 I’ve been challenged by @_ebh_ to produce a picture a day for 7 days to illustrate my current life (no captions, no people).

1/7 I’ve been challenged by @_ebh_ to produce a picture a day for 7 days to illustrate my current life (no captions, no people). Today I nominate @awnabot

The all new iCat with convenient rechargeable battery

Realized my foster dog has better eyeliner than I've ever achieved.

.@queueit do you have any update on why your system is failing to help us sign up for the Brooklyn half effectively @nyrr #PopularBKHalf

Strange rustling noise coming from the living room Me: what is the cat doing? Tom: just sticking leaves down the air conditioning vent

.@JasonHo12132833 accidental mention by a Trump supporter. I guess if you're dumb enough to vote Trump it's not surprise you got the Twitter handle wrong

When you try to do today but it's just too much!

Great company and a great comeback. Thanks @BrooklynNets @stephiejohnno @emj_kj @tomwoolway

This morning is not going well. Put teabags in mugs to make tea. Accidentally put second set of teabags in mugs. Attempted to rectify situation. Somehow ended up with two teabags in one, no teabags in the other.

Less than 300 miles and my @on_running shoes are disintegrating. @on_running told me to go back to @jackrabbit who told me "we didn't make the shoes". $160 and they last less than 6 months. I'm pissed off.

Thanks @Walmart I definitely needed a giant box and loads of paper to deliver two boxes of spaghetti #sowasteful