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Toenails (@joetoenails) profile picture

Toenails

@joetoenails

all my tweets are in the public domain

 The Vengabus
Joined October 2012
  • Tweets19K
  • Following905
  • Followers66.8K
4.2KMedia
Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)Photo by Toenails (@joetoenails)
I'm 32 years old and I still don't understand glaciers
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Nate (@thenatewolf) profile picture
Nate@thenatewolfOct 24
All the worms at the park start slithering towards me at the same time. I shake my head. They stop. I'm on a first date, and she's not ready to know about that part of my life yet.
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Seleno I would die for you
Image from Toenails (@joetoenails)
Image from Toenails (@joetoenails)
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The experienced liar simply refers to the game as “Three Truths”
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limoncello cheese…have the Dutch gone too far
Image from Toenails (@joetoenails)
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🪲ioomf (@i0lanthe_) profile picture
🪲ioomf@i0lanthe_Jul 1
Dude we got the fricking smellfish😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Hell yeah😭😭Nosy ass Fish 🐟 😥😭⁉️⁉️
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garvy (@garvvee) profile picture
garvy@garvveeJun 29
Bottom goes to the proctologist. Says his ass aches. Says it feels all alone and unsatisfied. Proctologist says: “Treatment is simple. Great top pegliacci is in town tonight. Go and see her. That should pick you up.” Bottom bursts into tears. Says: “Butt doctor!”
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RJ (@MKENewYorker) profile picture
RJ@MKENewYorkerJun 11
As a kid my most illogical fear during thunderstorms was that lightning would strike the ground, travel through the city water lines, go through the pipes in my house to the toilet, and then up my pee stream where it would blow my dick off
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Get me to gods country
Image from Toenails (@joetoenails)
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matt (@mattybtweets69) profile picture
matt@mattybtweets69May 7
There’s a disease going so viral that you can catch it just by looking at someone with it. It’s called, a smile :)
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A (@seattleiminyou) profile picture
A
@seattleiminyouApr 26
Still thinking about the 60 year old dude I saw riding front row on a rollercoaster who wouldn’t stop yelling “let’s get our freak on” “let’s get freaky deaky” and 10 college dudes in the back screaming “yeah!”
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Nice ride man
Image from The Stranger (@AbundantGoyim69)
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the good thing about not having tsa precheck is all the extra times you get to make prolonged eye contact with the people passing you in line
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danny (@heaven_toniight) profile picture
danny@heaven_toniightApr 14
stops me in my tracks every time and reminds me time is finite.. its beautiful
MythoAmerica 🌲 (@MythoAmerica) profile pictureMythoAmerica 🌲
@MythoAmericaApr 14
Image from MythoAmerica 🌲 (@MythoAmerica)
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Sozix (@Soz1x) profile picture
Sozix@Soz1xApr 7
يا حجي بنطلونك وقع
Image from Sozix (@Soz1x)
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hydra (@blephin_) profile picture
hydra
@blephin_Apr 7
Image from hydra (@blephin_)
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Image from vivienne ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა (@sunshinevvn)
Natalie Korach (@NatalieKorach) profile pictureNatalie Korach
@NatalieKorachApr 4
No one is doing it like the Boston Globe social media team
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𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘛𝘰 𝘈𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘢𝘳 𝘙𝘰𝘥 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘐𝘯 16 𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 It's inevitable that you will be impaled by a rod of rebar on May 27th, 2042, killing you within minutes. Here's how you can face, and even embrace, that moment with dignity
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new landlord tech just dropped - leaf blower x rope from above style
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Me after 9 overpriced Guinness at the local Irish pub teapaw.org/c0med0rdeb0sta7/status…
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would you rather be named rectangle or tugboat
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