the wicked witch of the east bro

answering these so I can put “volunteer” on my resume

no why did my TV show a memory of when my car got totaled HAHA

i’m gonna be sick

I went to Pilates w/ my fit friend and confidently said “I’m going to stretch after this to release my amniotic fluid” which upon googling, is the fluid that surrounds a baby during pregnancy

it’s been over a year since my boyfriend falsely claimed “you’ve watched breaking bad, right?” and I will not let it die

I was telling my friend that Einstein’s doesn’t make their bagels on site, so I sent him an article called “the untold truth of Einstein’s.” It was stupid of him to believe that they made the bagels there. Turns out the article was about the company’s ties to Nazi Germany

I hope jonbenet ramsey’s brother is the masked singer

I knew the twitter content was gonna hit today u guys didn’t dissappint

my phone made a separate “people” album but it’s just me when I’m doing the George Washington

my friends missed their flight and when I asked why they sent me this

I am not getting my rights taken away from some old fucks that look like the alaskan bull worm

hot summer bucket list idea: get a delicious quesadilla at the Pittsburg airport because @SouthwestAir decided to strand you there instead of New York ✨🤍

if you really think about it, it’s super fucking creepy that men have so many opinions about children having sex

I absolutely despise Christmas episodes in TV shows. when do you actually watch it around Christmas??? I’m binge watching a show and now I’m holly jolly in fucking april

right now only eight states require consent to be taught in school. people can go their whole lives without knowing they have a choice over what happens to their bodies

has anyone considered sending putin a large wooden horse as a peace offering

tom brady is coming out of retirement after realizing this summer won’t be as sonkissed as previous ones