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Magic: The Scatterbrained

@lizardfishbird

Paste/Lizard | They/He | Resident sarcastic asshole | Hot for Atlas from Bioshock | officially blocked by Scientology and TRAPT | Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati

 Smashville
Joined February 2018
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Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)Photo by Magic: The Scatterbrained (@lizardfishbird)
I will never make 2 trips to carry in my groceries from the car. Never. I will die first
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This is 200% TMI and NSFW, but masturbating with allergies is a hell of a thing. One time I literally sneezed a dildo out of myself
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This has "I sneezed out a tampon" energy. Jokes on y'all, I've done that too.
Me to a friend: I wanna rip this guy apart My friend: I thought you liked him? Me: I meant sexually
Get you a guy who thinks it's cute that you're confused and afraid after finding a piece of cat litter in your own butt crack during sex
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Him: insulting and degrading me because I told him it turns me on Also him: starts getting concerned and apologizing to make sure he didn't hurt me feelings
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Like, babe, did I TELL you to stop??
I just know at one point I'll be having phone sex with this guy and the guest service "Absolutely!" is gonna come out
I'm watching this episode of House, and I'm not gonna lie. I would kill to be that girl in the bathtub getting my toes nibbled by Hugh Laurie
Knowing my toxic ex hasn't move past their IFH phase honestly makes me laugh They're never gonna change
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Why Twitter gave me a spaces notification for Hypnotist Sappho, I will never know. But I seem to have stumbled upon some sort of zoophile ring and it makes me want to barf
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If you're gonna match with me on a dating app at least message me back you mongoloids
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My friend trying to play matchmaker for me: okay so no cis men because we don't want to deal with that Me, who is predominantly attracted to cis men: *sweats*
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As a bi person, my scale of attraction basically goes: ALL Men (cis and trans) Masc nb Trans women Femme nb Cis women I am attracted to all, but more attracted to those higher on the list
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... I feel like the attraction scale has a lot to do with the fact that I've found women and Femme presenting individuals are less likely to Dom me
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Did Randy Marsh ever realized that he could have just turned his balls sideways and he would have fit through the weed shop door? Huh, @SouthPark?
Dear Lindsay Lohan: where are your fursona's ears
I can't get over how gorgeous the girl playing right now is I have the absolute biggest crush
So I use delta 8 for my chronic pain, right? I once took some at work when a storm was coming through. Not NEARLY enough to get me high, but I almost had a panic attack because I thought my manager woukd THINK I was high because I was acting weird already due to the storm
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Tampon ad: periods are natural and gorgeous! Slay queen! Me, whose period almost killed me:
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I just had 5 doses of Ivermectin and will be shitting myself in this Wendy's
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I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, see this, and realize it was maybe not a good idea to take nighttime cold medicine for my chronic sinus issues
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