Thanks for an awesome night @joshmeatsix and @mattmeatsix for the @youmeatsix #truthdecay album launch party at #doctorfeelgood #stockport got lots of photos/vids to post tomorrow on my insta/Facebook. But this belter needed to be posted now 🙌 (and my selfies to show off 😆 )

Dear @Tesco it saddens me that you don’t ever stock/sell beef tomatoes. They are the only acceptable tomato for a caprese salad, and I cannot make stuffed/baked tomatoes with salad tomatoes! The beef tomato is elite.

Poor fly trapped on the coach, not knowing he’s off start a new life in London. Wife & kids left wondering why he’s not come home…did he get swatted by a newspaper, splattered on a windscreen, or has he gone off with that skank fly Trisha! Kidnapped by @biggreencoach #SOAD 🪰 🤘

Dear @SpotifyUK and @facebook please can you get your 💩 together so I can use both of you at the same time. I’ve turned all the autoplay and media settings off as per google and my Spotify still keeps pausing whenever I try to doom scroll on Facebook. It’s not always done this😤

When you order a @McDonaldsUK on @JustEatUK requesting extra pickles on your Big Mac, and instead you get less pickles than on a normal one 😫 #pickledeprived #justiceforpickles

Dear @Tesco Have you stopped doing the Tesco laundry scent boosters? Can’t seem to find them anymore whenever I search for them on my weekly online orders.

Dear @DisneyPlus , as @Disney own the rights to Rude Dog and the Dweebs, I think it needs to be added/available for streaming. #justiceforRudeDog #RudeDogandtheDweebs

Rope and duct tape on offer 2 for £2 @tesco #everylittlehelps 😳

Dear @StarlingBank , why do you always want to do a facial verification video when I’ve still got bed head and look like Hagrid!? 😑

When tonight is the #CelebrityTraitors final, and there’s been a power outage across your area since 3pm, with the latest update saying 1am for a fix 😩 #powercut #nospoilers 🤫

Mine didn’t even go off. The government left me to die! 😆 @PapaJohns didn’t forget me though and telling me about their £6.99 large pizza deals

Amused as panic ensues at every show, as people at the front of the queue discover they’ll have to sit at the front, & watch them slowly scooch backwards into the midst of the queue in fear! 😆 Meanwhile, I’m quite happy being at the front. Extra legroom for a start! #edfringe

Hey @BBC , what’s happened to Ozzy’s programme meant to be broadcast tonight? Why has it been replaced!? 🤨☹️

Hit me with your #edfringe daytime recommendations 22nd until around 3ish (got a 3:45 show at the stand), and 23rd until 6ish (got a 7pm show at assembly george sq). Got some gaps to fill and I’m going cross eyed looking at all the shows at this point! #EdFringe2025 #edfringe25

Ad popped up for @realclintonb new tour Spectral Intercourse… & I just happen to be wearing my tee I bought from the Roller Ghoster tour… had a look & there’s one seat left on the front row (seats available on other rows) for Middleton arena-took it as a sign & booked it! 🙌 👻

Not allowed to cook/use appliances for 24hrs after a hospital procedure/sedation today. Ordered a @pizzahutuk for the first time in years from @Deliveroo . It was the driest most tasteless pizza I’ve ever had. They either forgot to put the bbq base on or put the tiniest amount on

The podcast motto!? 😬 @TheWorriersPod #worriers #theworriers #theworrierspodcast #podcast #comedy #comedypodcast

I've voted for The Worriers - podfollow.com/1646036216 in the @britpodawards Listeners' Choice Award. Vote for your fave: britishpodcastawards.com/vot…. @TheWorriersPod 🙌❤️

Posted this a few days ago and now learn this morning that Kim Woodburn has passed away. 💙 RIP to the Queen of Clean

Listening to today’s @Patreon episode of @TheWorriersPod with @Barry_Dodds & @Hayles_Ellis …I imagine this photo accurately depicts @JonathanKite when he discovers @The_John_Kite #podcast #comedy (WARNING! this tweet may self destruct for the protection of all involved)

Whenever I’m working and look up at my main computer screen, I’m greeted by the delightful smiling face of Kim Woodburn…and it’s all thanks to @Hayles_Ellis … I sometimes forget it’s there then start laughing to myself when I notice it again! 😄 #peekaboo