Mamser

Hi everyone, Now that I’ve calmed down and had time to reflect, I just wanna apologize sa mga nasabi ko out of anger. Kahit gaano pa ako nasaktan, I know na mali yung sinabi ko, especially the comments about appearance and money. I know that wasn’t nice.. It came from a place of pain, but that doesn’t excuse it. I’m not proud of how I reacted. Ever since I was a kid kasi, kapag nasasaktan ako, ang instinct ko is to hurt back… harder. It’s something I’ve been trying to unlearn for years, kasi naging defense mechanism ko siya dahil sa mga pambubully noon. For the past few years, I’ve been trying to build myself up to be that boss bitch… someone na confident, strong, unbothered, and can’t be brought down. Pero kapag feeling ko tinatamaan yung confidence ko, at nagsisimulang bumalik yung insecurities, nagiging sobrang defensive ako. Parang instinct ko na protektahan lahat ng pinaghirapan kong i-build sa sarili ko. Pero sa proseso, minsan ako pa yung nakakasakit… pati sarili ko. Pero gusto ko rin sabihin… minsan, sobrang hirap lang talaga. When people keep throwing negativity at you over and over and over again, lalo na sa mga bagay na sobrang mahalaga sa’yo.. yung work ko, creativity ko, itsura ko…nakakadrain at nakakadepress siya. Hindi niyo alam kung gaano kasakit marinig na pinagtatawanan or minamaliit yung mga bagay na buong puso mong ginagawa. I know I need to work on how I respond to hate… hindi lahat kailangan patulan. I’m learning to protect my peace, kahit sa katahimikan. To be honest, kaya rin ako nagka-mental breakdown was because habang nagpo-post ako ng responses ko, alam kong mali siya. Pero parang hindi ko mapigilan sarili ko. I was in full attack mode. Parang may internal battle sa loob ko, and in the end, it just blew back on me and I guess I deserved that too. But I hope people also understand: tao rin ako... I get really hurt despite how strong i try to portray myself. I have insecurities.. madami actually. And sometimes, kapag sunod-sunod na yung tama, napupuno ka. That’s what happened. But I’m trying to do better. I’m trying to grow. So again, I’m really sorry sa lahat ng nasabi ko. And to those who said things about me.. sana one day, we all choose to be kinder. Myself included. Thank you sa mga nag-remind sakin kung sino talaga ako. I know I messed up. I’m choosing to learn and grow from this. Magla-log off muna ako sa social media at sa mga ganap for now. I think it’s for the best. 🙏❤️