Hey @DoorDash thanks for cancelling my order 45 minutes after I placed it. You could’ve let me know earlier so I could order from somewhere else, or from a reliable service. Don’t use them if you want to receive your order

Hey @VANS_66 what’s up with these sneakers I ordered. They don’t look like the proof and you’re not going to do anything about it?? $300 in the trash. #vulcshit

Hey @hulu why don’t you have subtitles on the new seasons of Letterkenny?

Dear truck stop tamale, you were neither tasty or convenient. Thanks for nothing

Come say hi &buy some @StoryoftheYear shirts from me. Also bring me a beer. Just watch out for… instagram.com/p/BKt11b_DiHN/ – at St Louis, MO

DULUTH!! Time to wake up and party with us for Ariel & Brooks' wedding party!! #Duluth #dicktaco… instagram.com/p/BHn5Z_9jYeQ/ – at Duluth, MN

Dude at the bar is wearing a pocket T backwards. He's obviously uncomfortable. Should I tell him?

#DonaldTrump is the Internet. Stupid meme face, out of control racist comments, shared for no real reason, and you can't believe any of it.

Bit my finger while eating a fry... What's wrong with me? Also I have sharp teeth.

#greatidea Make a rice bowl with turkey and call it a "Gobble Gobbowl"

Had a dream last night that @tedcruz was caught eating a cat...

The dentist made my face all strokey 😕 instagram.com/p/BEHZzjeGP5n/

THIS SATURDAY!! Come party at @DuckRoom with us (@FuckOffAndDies) @the_lippies @blackandredeye & @MoFukkinFalcon !!

Can you #Yelp #yelpers ?

#FBF my_name_is_poptart & the Easter Mark instagram.com/p/BDYi-LBmP9b/

Went out on a frozen lake in Wisconsin, and finally made it to BBC bar in Milwaukee!! Come party… instagram.com/p/BByZi48GP_b/ – at Milwaukee, WI

After out usual hiccups on tours, we made it to #badabrew Joliet!! Come party with us!!… instagram.com/p/BBtltX-mP59/