gently used ass rag

I put on my Patagonia quarter zip everyday like it’s the green goblin mask

My boss was yelling at me so I just started squeezing my testicles really hard until my face turned beat red

I have been ghosted because of my insurance before

Need someone with no self respect to rub my belly

Just got out of bed at 8:50 PM, getting ready for the bar. Hopefully I run into my ex. Happy Saturday

Calling off work so I can jerkoff

Is love without uncle pussy even possible?

Jesus answer my prayers for uncle pussy please

Fantastic things happening on instagram notes

Lucki stabbed, Red Wings suck, Lions have high schoolers playing Corner. My life a movie

Never forget when my mom was trying to be supportive to my brother and told him he was strong enough to survive the holocaust

Today I took all the appliances out of the break room

I’ve been stealing furniture from my job for the past 3 months

Wife and kids are safe this week #onepride

Gotta pretend like I give a shit about social issues at the bar for the next 3 hours with the wife and her moderately annoying friends…ugh

Americas next top hooker

They called me disgusting penis back in college

Just watched someone with the license plate “Grammy20” get Merge Mogged on the Highway

When my kids are asked what their dad does for work they’ll say “Yu-Gi-Oh cards”

My living room smells like a colonoscopy was just performed