Help! I'm trapped in a Twitter factory!
Toronto
Joined June 2010
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Somewhere in the depths of a dust-caked server accidentally sealed behind the drywall of what is now a Starbucks, my Klout score continues its sad, steady decline.
Considering there's both Old Dutch potato chips and Old Dutch kitchen cleanser I expected a lot more bleach-related snacking deaths by now.
"How 'bout, 'We've Got A Great UX Design'? (SILENCE) You can fuck right off with the eye-rolling, Gary; your ideas haven't been any better."
- the Uxbridge Chamber Of Commerce enters hour three of a heated town motto brainstorm
Napoleon famously described Britain as ‘a nation of shopkeepers’, but the joke was on him when he arrived on its shores to invade and was rebuffed by a handwritten sign that said ‘BACK IN 5 MINS.’ hanging on the door.
Fun Fact: Jamaica’s nationwide sense of happiness and wellbeing is constantly scrutinized and carefully maintained by the Department Of Irie.
Content makers want their product to be snackable + snack makers want to produce content = Bacon Dippers: The Movie!
🎶
One!
Punishing sensation!
Every single guy he kills!
🎶 instagram.com/p/BhRqI2SnP3C/
"Alexa: buy more toilet paper."
- a guy with chronic bowel trouble and a long-suffering wife named Alexa
They have Big Bang Theory *and* Young Sheldon for you to watch; *that's* what kind of airline Air Canada is.
Today is the day when more of my monthly payment goes towards the principle rather than the interest on the salad I bought at Flock last July.
The best part of a theoretical Trump/Biden fight is that halfway through it they might start makin' out.