notjustastone

She was 15 when she strangled a 9 year old girl, slit her throat and left her in a grave she had dug days earlier. Then she went home and wrote in her diary that it felt “ahmazing.” What else she wrote that night is somehow worse: “as soon as you get over the oh my god i can’t do this feeling, it’s pretty enjoyable,” she wrote, hours after ending Elizabeth Olten’s life. Alyssa Bustamante later admitted she simply wanted to know what it felt like, so she picked the little girl who lived down the street and led her into the woods in Missouri. In the video below she sits in court, calm and composed, looking like any ordinary teenager, while her own words are read back to the room. She pleaded guilty and was handed life with only a distant chance at parole. She has already been denied once, and will be middle aged before she can even ask again. How do you ever hand a person like this back to the world?

P Diddy’s son walked up to a 20-year-old girl at 7 a.m., handed her white slippers, and told her she’d been chosen to enter the house. Inside, every room had people having sex. Naked bodies in the pool. Waitresses pushing drinks no one asked for. Her phone was locked in a sealed case. There were no cameras, no evidence, and no way out she could see. She told this story two years before the FBI kicked down his door. Her name has never been public. She’s a singer from South Central who was flown to Miami by an Arabian Prince who kept promising to introduce her to a producer who would change her life. The producer was P Diddy. The introduction was a freak off. In the video below she describes what she saw inside that mansion the way a soldier would describe a mission that went wrong. No drama. Just coordinates. Security patted them down at the door. Phones went into bubble cases that couldn’t open until you left. His son hand-picked who got the white slippers. That was the entry pass. Not everyone got one. Inside, house music so loud it made her dizzy. Every corner had something happening. People passed out. People on drugs. People having sex in the open at sunrise. P Diddy pushed his own girlfriend away mid-sentence to keep talking to her. She says she heard him tell someone: “That’s the one I want.” A famous rapper started groping her without asking. Waitresses kept circling. “Take a drink. Take a drink.” She didn’t take one. “I felt like the prince brought me there to be sold.” She walked out, got her phone unlocked, called a taxi, and flew home that night. She never made music again. December 2022, she told this story on camera. Nobody believed her. Two years later, the FBI raided P Diddy’s house and the world found out what those parties really were. Was she the one who escaped, or just the one nobody came looking for?

She gave a p*mp every dollar she made and called it tuition. All of it. She walked the streets of Miami alone for five years while he rotted in federal prison on a RICO case. When the feds subpoenaed her and said testify or get charged, she hired a lawyer and said go ahead. Never said one word. Now she calls the girls who say they were forced liars, because it’s easier than admitting you’re a “proud wh*re.” This is Rylee Rabbit. In the video below, she explains every step like she’s walking you through a business plan she’s proud of. No shame. No regret. Just math. She grew up in San Diego. Both parents in the picture. Danced in high school. Had the same boyfriend the whole time. She calls herself “the good girl.” Went to community college, then Arizona State. Got a corporate job at a cell phone company. She says she woke up every day miserable. So she went to a friend she’d known for six months. A well-known p*mp named Pimpsey. She watched how he moved. She respected his reputation. At 27, she walked up to him and said, “Make me the baddest b*tch in the game.” It started with happy ending massages. Then clients asked what else she’d do. Then Backpage ads. Then full esc*rting. Three arrests in her first six months. She kept going. Here’s where it breaks people’s brains. She gave him all the money. Every dollar. Her explanation: “Just like I would have to pay for any tuition or institution or university.” He taught her how to post ads, how to talk to clients, how to handle the other girls. She came home to new clothes and new purses. “It’s a different type of love,” she says. Six months in, he caught a federal RICO conspiracy charge. She didn’t walk away. She moved to Miami, worked the streets alone, hit bars and hotels while he sat in a cell. Almost five years. Then the subpoena came. Prosecutors told her she could be charged with everything he was charged with. She hired a lawyer and said go ahead. Showed up to every day of his trial. Never opened her mouth. He got almost seven years. She went from $100 quickies to $1,000 an hour. Up to $7,000 a night. When the interviewer asks about girls who say they were forced into the life, she doesn’t pause. “I think girls sometimes take that victim role because it’s easier. It’s better to say somebody made me do it than to say I’m a proud wh*re.” She says she’d probably be worse off if she’d stayed at the cell phone company. She’s about to buy her first house. Every girl in this game has a story about how she got in. Most of them start with something that went wrong. Hers starts with a college degree and a bad day at work. Was she groomed, or did she just read the terms and sign?

Her mother beat her with a garden hose at 9. Punched her in the face and told the school she fell. Forced her to deliver a dead baby at four and a half months and made her look at it. She almost bled out on the table. Her mother said, “I wish you didn’t make it.” Her father took his own life. They carried him out in front of his kids. In the video below, she tells it like someone who stopped flinching a long time ago. The host asks where she grew up. Poland. Catholic home. An alcoholic father who beat her mother and grandparents. At three years old, she remembers all of it. The mother remarried and moved her to Sweden at 5. A man she had never met. A town where nobody spoke her language. She cried the whole drive. “I knew nobody could protect me anymore.” At 9, the mother gave her a choice. Ten lashes with a garden hose, or a night alone in a dark house with every light off. She chose the lashes. She came to school with bruises. She told the teachers. Every time, her mother walked in and said the girl was lying. Every time, they believed her. “Nobody ever did anything. Nobody.” At 15, her mother beat her in front of all her friends at a garden party. At 16, she ran. Moved in with a 20-year-old drug addict. Shoplifted for food. Ended up in foster care with an alcoholic woman who threw a container at her head and said, “I understand why your mother doesn’t love you.” Then came the pregnancy. A clinic told her she wasn’t pregnant. Misdiagnosis. Four months later she found out she was. “I knew if I told my mom, she would beat me so much I’d die.” The mother dragged her to the doctor. “I don’t care. It has to go.” She had to deliver at four and a half months. The mother made her look at it. “This is what you did. You killed your own child.” She lost so much blood she flatlined on the table. When she came out, her mother said, “I wish you didn’t make it.” For 11 years after that, she stayed in a mentally abusive relationship because her mother said if she left, she’d never speak to her again. When she finally met someone new, the mother hacked her Facebook, printed every private message and intimate photo, took them to police, called the American Embassy to stop her leaving Sweden, told her landlord she was a prostitute, and got her evicted. She made it to the U.S. Four p*rn films. She cried the entire drive to the first one. Worst eight hours of her life, she says. Did it because it was that or rent. Her biological father drank for 40 years. At 62 he took his own life. They carried him out on a stretcher in front of his children. Their mother said, “Now there’s nobody who can give you candy.” Every person who was supposed to protect her either hit her, lied about her, or left her alone in the dark. Was she broken by a mother who made sure nobody else could ever love her, or did she survive the one person no child is built to fight?

She says he invited her to his parents’ house. She pushed him off. He didn’t stop. Two years later she found out he did the same thing to two more girls. Now he’s in the military. Then the one person who helped her through it, her boyfriend of 14 years, put Adderall in her drink, and she woke up with palm prints on her hips and fingerprints on her thighs. Maddy is a p*rn actress. She was adopted at birth, bounced through foster homes, and spent years in boarding schools and lockdown facilities before she ever saw a set. By the time she was 20, she thought the worst was behind her. It wasn’t. She met a guy named Harrison. He worked at the store across from hers. They weren’t dating, just friends. She trusted him. One day he invited her up to his parents’ place, and that night he forced his d*ck down her throat and wouldn’t stop. She pushed him off. He kept going. She says she couldn’t get out of bed for six months after that. She was sleepwalking. Waking up screaming. Having the same nightmare over and over. “It was the first time I really had PTSD,” she says. “I was damaged.” Here’s the part that makes it worse. Two years later, she found out he did the exact same thing to two more girls after her. All three were too afraid to speak. And now, she says, he’s serving in the military. Then came the person she thought would save her. Her ex-boyfriend, the one she’d known since she was 11. He stood by her side through the whole thing, helped her cope, held her together. She trusted him more than anyone alive. He put Adderall in her drink. His friend was there. She woke up with fingerprints on her thighs and palm prints on her hips. Fourteen years of trust, gone in one night. “The one person I loved did what he did,” she says. “And just acted like it never happened.” In the video below, she tells both stories like someone reading off a police report she wrote about her own life. The guy who attacked her is in uniform now. The guy who drugged her walked away like nothing happened. And the girl who survived both of them went into p*rn, not because the industry saved her, but because after everything, a camera crew felt safer than a friend. So was she failed by the people closest to her, or did she learn the hard way that the only person you can trust is yourself?

She was abducted by a stalker who tried to run her over with a car. A week later she was back on a prn set like nothing happened. Years later, SWAT teams stormed her house with guns in her face, live on stream, 4 separate times. And she still says prn “in a way helped save her life.” This is Adriana Chechik. To understand that sentence, you have to start at the beginning. Her mother was addicted to drugs. Adriana grew up in the foster system, moving from home to home, and some of those homes were Amish families. No stability, no safety net, nobody coming to save her. Her first time in front of a camera was a Girls Gone Wild shoot, and she says it ended with her in tears. Most girls would have walked away right there. She didn’t have anywhere to walk to. When she got into the industry, her first “agent” wasn’t really an agent. She says he charged her $1,000 a month to live in his house and made her do chores between shoots. Rent, cleaning, sets. That was her life at barely 20. Then came the stalker. In her very first year, a man followed her, tried to run her over with his car and abducted her for about half an hour. She got out. And she says the only thing she knew how to do was “move on to the next.” A week later she was shooting again. That became the pattern for her whole career. Once she was tied up on set when 30 to 40 police officers raided the shoot. Something terrible happens, you get up, you go to the next scene. No therapy, no break, no time to feel anything. And it worked. She became one of the most famous women in the industry and finally won AVN Performer of the Year after years of nominations. On paper, she made it. Then she moved to Twitch, because for the first time in her life she wanted people to see her as a human being and not a fantasy. She built her own PC, her own studio, and found an audience that liked her personality. Here’s the twist. Twitch didn’t give her peace. It gave strangers her address. Swatters called in fake reports, and a SWAT team showed up in the middle of the night while she was live. About 30 cops pointed guns at her, put her face down in the dirt and arrested her because someone told them she had a hostage inside. Her viewers watched armed officers run through her home in real time. Then it happened 3 more times. In 2022 she broke her back in two places jumping into a foam pit at TwitchCon, in front of a crowd that thought it was just a funny clip. Today she has a gate, private security, a trauma therapist and PTSD. She says if her assistant opens a door too fast, she jumps and panics. She stopped shooting because she couldn’t tell herself “you look good today” while carrying everything she never processed. In the video below, she finally talks about the stalker. The abduction she buried for years because she was back at work 7 days later. Some people heal from trauma. Others just book the next shoot. Was the industry what broke her, or the only thing that kept her standing?

1,057 strangers in one day. Ski masks. 40 seconds each. No background checks. She called it “Christmas Day on repeat” and asked if they could do it weekly. Then she went for 2,000 inside a glass box and got banned from OnlyFans. Then she got herself pregnant on purpose from 400 more. Her name is Bonnie Blue, real name Tia Billinger, from a small village outside Nottingham. She got married, moved to Australia with her husband, gained weight and lost her confidence. Then she started seeing women on TikTok bragging about money from webcam shows. Two weeks after her first stream she was making up to 5,000 dollars a week. A few months later she was on OnlyFans, her marriage was over, and she says she has made 1.5 million in a single month. In the video below she walks through the day of the 1,000 men like it was an office event. A queue outside two hours before the start. Security at the door, drinks in the basement, ski masks for anyone who didn’t want to show their face. An ID and a signed consent form, and in her own words, that is as far as the background checks went. Groups first, then one at a time, 40 seconds each. She says she ran back down the stairs after every toilet break because she couldn’t wait to keep going, called it “Christmas Day on repeat”, and joked about making it weekly. Then the internet started saying she was pregnant from those 1,000 men. She didn’t deny it. She posted a pickle dipped in chocolate and let the rumor sell itself. And that is when the mask slips for a second. She admits she spent years trying for a baby with her husband and it never happened. The pregnancy tests, the ovulation kits, the silence. She calls it the loneliest time of her life. Since then it has only gotten crazier. OnlyFans banned her. Bali deported her. She was charged in London for dragging the Indonesian flag outside its embassy, and the charge was dropped. Then came the fake bump, the 400 men, and a “baby shower” event that politicians from every party condemned. So is she a broken woman who found the only thing that numbs the pain, or the most calculated businesswoman the industry has ever produced?

Molested by her stepdad. Jaw broken by her own mother at 4. Starved in foster care behind a locked fridge. Ran away at 16, pregnant at 18, and then a fake modeling ad on Craigslist turned out to be porn. She goes by Luna. She grew up in California, “but everywhere,” because nobody kept her long enough for anywhere to count. The first family that hurt her was her own. Her mother was on drugs and hit her. Her stepdad abused her and her older sister. When she was 6, all three kids were taken away. The system did not save her. She says she was touched in foster homes too. She went back to her mom for a year, and a month before her 13th birthday she was pulled out again, because her mom had beaten her the day before church and a pastor’s wife finally saw the bruises. In her teens she was placed with foster parents who locked the fridge and would not feed them. She told her social worker. The social worker did not believe her. So at 16 she walked out with nothing and never finished high school. In the video below she tells all of it in a flat, almost polite voice, until she gets to one sentence. She says she was never a bad kid. She was just trying to find a family she fit into. Then she stops and says, “I can’t. I’m gonna cry.” Later she admits the part that hurt most. When the kids went back into care, her older sister said she was done taking care of her. Her brother and sister ended up somewhere stable. She ended up alone. She has a son now. She calls him her best friend. She has PTSD, and she says that when you’ve been hurt this much, you build a wall. Her last words in the interview: “I came from nothing and I had no help from anybody, I still f*cking did it. And I’m proud of myself.” So did the system that was supposed to protect her fail her worse than her own mother did, or did it just finish the job?

Two teenage girls planned to corner a boy in a school bathroom and cut his throat. They got arrested days before they could do it. Then they sat in the back of a police car and laughed. Their names are Isabelle Valdez, 15, and Lois Lippert, 14, from Lake Brantley High School in Florida. The boy they picked had done nothing to them. According to prosecutors, Valdez targeted him because he reminded her of the Sandy Hook shooter. This was not a passing thought. She memorized his class schedule. She followed him through the halls. She secretly took photos of him. According to investigators, the plan was to trap him in a bathroom stall, keep him quiet with a towel, and end his life in what they called a blood ritual. Lippert allegedly prepared a 12 inch blade for it. She brought gloves. She drew graphic sketches of the boy. She even brought flowers, for his funeral. The only reason that boy is alive right now is an anonymous tip someone sent through a school safety app. Deputies reached the girls before they reached him. Here is the part that made a prosecutor call them sociopathic. In the police car on the way to jail, they were not crying or scared. They were laughing. They squealed with excitement. They joked about their mugshot makeup, one upset she couldn’t do hers that morning. One called the arrest a bonding experience. When it came up, Valdez said plainly that she did not feel guilty for what she had done. They are charged with attempted first degree murder. A boy almost died for the way his face looked to someone he barely knew. And the two who prepared a blade for him spent the drive to jail giggling, like none of it was real.

This is 6 year old Corey Micciolo, falling off a treadmill again and again while his own father stands behind him speeding it up. Less than two weeks later he was dead. It happened at a gym in Barnegat, New Jersey, in March 2021. The security cameras recorded the whole thing in silence. Corey was too small to keep up with the belt, so it kept throwing him to the ground, and each time he pulled himself up and climbed back on, because the man behind him scared him more than the fall did. That man was his father, Christopher Gregor. He had recently gained more custody of Corey, and prosecutors said he was punishing the boy and trying to “toughen him up.” On the footage you can see him speed the belt up and grab Corey every time he collapsed. On April 2, 2021, days after this video, Corey died. The injuries inside his small body included a tear to his heart. He was six years old. In 2024 Christopher Gregor was convicted of aggravated manslaughter and child endangerment and sentenced to 25 years. His mother sat through every day of that trial watching this same video. Corey does not get any of those years back. He got a treadmill, a father behind him, and a room full of cameras that only watched.

Mackenzie Shirilla was 17 when she buried the gas pedal and drove her car straight into a building to murder her own boyfriend. She never touched the brakes, she lived through it on purpose, and the judge said every second of it was planned. It happened in July 2022 in Ohio. In the car with her were her boyfriend Dominic Russo, 20, and his friend Davion Flanagan, 19. For months the whole town believed it was a tragic accident, a teenage girl who lost control of the wheel. Everyone grieved for all three of them. Then the evidence came out, and the accident story collapsed. She had scouted a quiet industrial road ahead of time. She chose the day. She got behind the wheel, pushed the car to full speed, and drove it into a wall with no braking, no swerve, no attempt to stop. Both passengers died in the seats beside her. Only she walked away. At the verdict, the judge looked her dead in the eyes and refused to call it anything but what it was. Planned. Purposeful. She said Mackenzie chose the victims, chose the route, and carried it out on purpose. A double murder, by design. And while two families were burying their sons, she had been filmed at concerts and out celebrating Halloween, before she was ever charged, like nothing had happened. Through every word of the verdict, she sits there with the same flat, empty stare. She got 15 years to life. The part that stays with you isn’t the crash. It’s that she looks like any girl you’d pass in a hallway, and you would never suspect her for a second.

He murdered his entire family at 15. Years later he sat in a courtroom and calmly told the survivors why he deserves to walk free. One of his own sisters broke down and ran out before he even finished His name is Nehemiah Griego. In 2013, at just 15, he used his father’s guns on his mother, his father, and his three younger siblings in Albuquerque, the youngest barely a toddler. Then he stayed in the house with the bodies for hours. But the part that actually haunts people isn’t the murders. It’s this hearing, years later. He stands up, faces the handful of relatives he has left, and apologizes in a flat, even voice. “I’m sorry for taking our parents and siblings. I wish I could take it back. The reality is that I can’t.” Then he turns to his uncle and calls him “the father I wish I had.” He says this in a room full of people still grieving the father he shot. It’s too much for one of his sisters. She breaks down, sobs, and walks straight out. He barely glances at her, then keeps talking like nothing happened. He tells the judge he’s healed. That he’s ready to step out into the world. That “even the worst of us can make progress.” The scariest thing about Nehemiah Griego isn’t what he did at 15. It’s how calm he was years later, asking the people whose family he erased to believe he’s earned a future.

She was 15 when she strangled a 9 year old girl, slit her throat and left her in a grave she had dug days earlier. Then she went home and wrote in her diary that it felt “ahmazing.” What else she wrote that night is somehow worse: “as soon as you get over the oh my god i can’t do this feeling, it’s pretty enjoyable,” she wrote, hours after ending Elizabeth Olten’s life. Alyssa Bustamante later admitted she simply wanted to know what it felt like, so she picked the little girl who lived down the street and led her into the woods in Missouri. In the video below she sits in court, calm and composed, looking like any ordinary teenager, while her own words are read back to the room. She pleaded guilty and was handed life with only a distant chance at parole. She has already been denied once, and will be middle aged before she can even ask again. How do you ever hand a person like this back to the world?

Ed Kemper murdered six young women he picked up hitchhiking, then sat at a bar across from the courthouse buying beers for the detectives hunting him. In this 1984 prison interview he describes his first killing the way other people describe parking a car. Calm. Precise. No pauses. May 1972, two roommates he picked up in Berkeley, driven at gunpoint to a secluded spot, one walked into the woods while the other sat tied in the car waiting. He explains that he went “a little bit farther each time.” At first there was no gun. Then a gun hidden under his leg. He compares the craving to a drug, where a little is never enough, so you take more and more until something has to happen. By the end he had killed six college girls, his grandparents, and finally his own mother. He admits he did it at night in the driveway of his mother’s house, with her asleep inside and the neighbors’ lights still on across the street. And the entire time he looked like a harmless giant. He drank with the cops working the case, studied TV crime shows to learn how they operated, and kept a university sticker on his car so hitchhikers would feel safe getting in. Then he looks straight at the interviewer and says there are “far more than 35” people out there right now doing exactly what he did, and that most of them will never be caught, because they simply chose to tell no one. Kemper only got caught because he picked up a phone and confessed. He says the dangerous ones never make that call.

Andrei Chikatilo, a mild Soviet schoolteacher and devoted father, strangled, stabbed and mutilated 52 women and children across russia over 12 years, cutting pieces from their bodies out in the woods. What let him do it for so long is almost worse: After his very first murder, a 9 year old girl, the police arrested the wrong man. Alexander Kravchenko was pressured into a confession and executed for it. Chikatilo stayed free to keep killing for 12 more years. He hunted the train stations and bus stops of southern russia, talked women and children into walking with him into the woods, and there, because he was impotent, the only thing that excited him was the knife. He cut, stabbed and dismembered them, then calmly washed the blood off at public station bathrooms while Soviet police checked his papers and let him walk. He was even arrested and released once, because his blood type did not match the killer’s, a one in a million fluke nobody understood at the time. By the end he had confessed to 53 murders, more than half of them children. In the video below he sits locked inside a steel cage in a Russian courtroom, shaved bald, eyes rolling, screaming at the families of the people he destroyed. He was executed with a single shot to the back of the head in 1994. The most chilling part is what he said near the end, that nothing was left in him, that he had already been dead for years. The monster and everyone who hunted him finally agreed on one thing, that there was nothing human left inside him at all.

Aileen Wuornos used sex to lure seven men off the highway, shot every one of them dead, robbed the bodies, and told the court she only wished she could do it again. The way she said it is what still haunts people: “i robbed them, and i killed them as cold as ice,” she told the room, calm one second and screaming the next, “and i would do it again.” Wuornos worked the Florida interstates as a prostitute, and between 1989 and 1990 she shot seven men who picked her up, took their cash and their cars, and left them off the side of the road. For a while she insisted every one was self defense, that the men had tried to rape her. Then she dropped the story entirely and said she simply hated human life and always would. Her childhood reads like a blueprint for it. Abandoned as a baby, raised by a violent grandfather, abused and living in the woods before she was even a teenager. In the video below she comes apart on camera, raging about sonic torture in her cell and police conspiracies, a woman sitting somewhere far past the edge of sane. She was executed in Florida in 2002. Her final words were that she would be back. What are you even supposed to do with a person the world broke this completely?

He says, on camera, that he is not gay. Then he explains what he does to the men who get put in his cell. The gap between those two sentences is the most disturbing part of the whole interview: He is a general of the 28s, one of the oldest prison gangs on earth, sent to a South African prison for murder when he was 14. In his world there are only two kinds of men, members of the number and everyone else, and everyone else exists to be used. A new inmate who is not part of the gang is told where to sleep and then held down. “I have sex with him,” he says, and when the interviewer asks if that makes him gay, he answers no, that he is the man and the other one is the woman. He gives them bread, a bed and protection, calls them his “wife,” and picks a new one every few weeks. The whole arrangement is spoken about as ordinary prison law. In the video below he lays the entire system out in a calm, almost bored voice, as if he is describing household chores and not rape. He came in on a 9 year sentence and never left, because refusing an order inside the number is not something you survive. If a man genuinely believes none of this counts against him, is prison even punishing him?

a woman 8 months pregnant was killed by the Manson Cult, what charles manson said about her in 1993 froze the room this is from his interview with diane sawyer, 24 years after the murders. manson is calm the entire time, almost bored, like none of it touches him he tells her he sees blood in the prison every single day, someone always getting shot, cut or beaten, and that you could stack a hundred dead bodies in front of him and it would not move him to do anything he insists over and over that he broke no law, that he never stepped out of line with god or with man. he never admits anything, he never apologizes, he just keeps flipping every question back on her then sawyer brings up sharon tate, eight and a half months pregnant the night she was killed. most people would at least fake something. manson rolls his eyes and mocks her, “here we go, nice, let’s bleed hearts, we don’t feel bad,” and tells her if she feels so bad about it she should write a book and make some money no remorse, no act, nothing behind the eyes. that is what made people call him evil, not the shouting, the complete emptiness underneath it

This is Reid Duran, a 35 year old kidnapping suspect in Xenia, Ohio, he came into the station voluntarily, no handcuffs, sitting in an interview room with officer nicholas peters, and the conversation looks completely normal, he is relaxed, he is answering questions, nothing in his body language warns you then, without hurrying at all, he reaches across the desk, takes the pen, and a second later lunges straight at the officer peters reacts almost instantly, blocks it, throws duran to the floor and radios for help while pinning him down, he is in handcuffs before backup even makes it to the room the scariest part is how calm he is right before it happens, no shouting, no warning, just a slow reach for something on the table nobody thought twice about officers are trained to always watch the hands, this video is exactly why

a serial killer begged two hitchhikers not to take the shortcut, because that road led straight to where he killed the last two girls who got in his car this is ed kemper in a prison interview, and by then he had already murdered six young women he picked up on the road, these two looked almost exactly like his first victims, same height, one blonde, one with black hair, he says it hit him like deja vu and he had to fight to keep his face calm when they asked to go under the freeway he refused, kept pushing them toward downtown, because he knew that if he drove the way they wanted he would not be able to stop himself from their side it looked like a nightmare, a stranger refusing to go where they asked, so they went silent and stared straight ahead, and he admits there was a gun under the seat the entire time he dropped them right at their dorm, they ran up the stairs without looking back once, and he says “i don’t think they know to this day how close that came” the worst part is what he says next, that this was the day he realized he could no longer stop, and a week later his own mother was dead